From: mdhangton@gmail.com   
      
   Michelle Bottorff wrote:   
   > Michelle Bottorff  wrote:   
   >   
   >> ...I'm starting to think that "writing exercises" are going to be   
   >> needed.   
   >   
   > So, my first try at writing exercises.  Same event/story told by several   
   > different characters. (All total rough-draft quality, sorry about that!)   
   >   
   > Am I succeeding in getting the feel of there being two different   
   > cultures/languages whie still having the individual personalities come   
   > through?   
   >   
   I see more than one character voice.  I see that some characters are   
   more rational/spiritualistic than others.   
      
   I do not see very much idiosyncratic grammar that should be obvious   
   evidence of separate languages.  I think this is a positive thing, as   
   you haven't made anything awkward for a reader in English to parse.   
      
   For what it's worth, these are my perceptions.   
   >   
   > ...   
   > I was hunting with Sewo when the Iak came.  We could see her hovering,   
   > and awed that anything so large would dare the skies, we moved closer.   
   > At first our eyes followed only the black of her wings against the   
   > brightness, but then, below, we saw another figure running.  A familiar   
   > figure.  It was Sewo's father.  The Iak hunted him, and he was her prey.   
   > Sewo darted ahead first, and right on his heels I also ran.  We saw her   
   > dive.  She evaded his spear, and her talons hooked into him, tightening   
   > until red blood ran down his sides and rained out upon the grass.   And   
   > then with sweeping wings she lifted him away from the mother earth and   
   > into the realms of air.  Sewo cried a mighty cry, and brought an arrow   
   > to his bowstring.  As always, his shaft flew true.  But the Iak seemed   
   > not to notice the arrow in her breast as she beat her way higher and   
   > higher into the sky.  And then she spread her mighty talons, releasing   
   > her prey.  My friend's father fell, twisting, out of the sky, and   
   > landed, broken, at his feet.   
   > Sewo crouched over him, and wailed to the gods.   
   >   
   >   
   > Apparently Daos and Sewo  were out hunting when they saw the Iak up in   
   > the sky, circling about.  And wondering -- as well they might -- at her   
   > most unlikely size, they headed in her direction.  As they got closer   
   > they were horrified to discover what exactly she was doing.  Down below   
   > the giant eagle, was Sewo's father -- running desperately to get away   
   > from her.  Even as they watched, she swooped down, and knocking his   
   > spear out of the way, picked him up and carried him back into the sky.   
   > Sewo screamed and quickly shot at her, but even though he hit her right   
   > where he meant to, she treated the arrow as a mere inconvenience and   
   > continued to rise until she was high over her heads.  And that's when   
   > she let go, and Sewo's father tumbled down, landing almost at his feet.   
   > He hurried over, anxious and afraid.   
   >   
   >   
   > I was with with Daos -- we had gone hunting.  Or it may be better said,   
   > that I was hunting -- Daos was following me and trying not to trip over   
   > the grass.  We saw wings, black against the sky, and wondered what the   
   > gods possibly could have been thinking to create such a bird.  Had they   
   > gathered in the fields of the sky and held a contest for who could cast   
   > the largest shadow?  So closer we went, wanting to see.  Such a bird as   
   > that, you would think would be hunting elephants.  She wasn't.  It was   
   > my father she hunted.  He ran before her -- he must have been trying to   
   > reach the safety of our camp.  But she dived at him, and knocked his   
   > spear aside with her feet, and then her grip ensnared him and her talons   
   > bit deep.   
   > I knew that only I could stop her -- and I thought my arrow flew true!   
   > But she she scorned to notice it.  And before I knew that the first   
   > arrow had failed, she reached the sky and to bring her to the earth was   
   > to kill my father also.  I should have sent a dozen arrows into her.  I   
   > should have emptied my quiver.  For she only lifted him up, so that she   
   > could let him fall.  I saw him tumble through the air, and land on the   
   > ground before me.  Broken.   
   > I leaped to his side, but could do nothing.   
   >   
   >   
   > They told me how it happened.  How the great Iak bird -- who isn't   
   > really a bird, but an evil spirit woman -- chased his father from the   
   > dying lands nearly to their camp.  He and his spear brother had gone   
   > hunting, and they saw the Iak, and sought her shadow -- for she was   
   > mighty and wonderous.  And there they found his father, fleeing -- for   
   > even a great chief is powerless against a creature of spirit and magic.   
   > They watched in horror as she fell upon her prey, and captured him in   
   > her claws.  That was when he slung his bow, and pulled it, and his arrow   
   > flew deep into the bird's breast, for he is a great hunter.  If she had   
   > been a true Iak, she would have perished.  But she was not.  Even with   
   > an arrow in her heart, she could still fly into the air.  From very high   
   > up she dropped her prey, and he watched his father fall.   
   > Screaming his agony to the gods, he ran to his father's side.   
   >   
   > The story, as it was told to me, was that he and his spear-brother had   
   > gone hunting.  They saw the Iak first, quite naturally -- it would have   
   > been up in the air, flying, and I understand that they are quite   
   > amazingly large.  And that's why they tried to get closer, of course,   
   > because it was a rare bird and an incredible sight.  But as they drew   
   > nearer they spotted his father, on the run, trying to get away from the   
   > creature.  I'm sure they tried to get closer, but they were too late,   
   > for the Iak knocked aside his father's spear, and picked him up in her   
   > talons, and started to carry him into the sky.  (I was a bit dubious at   
   > first to hear of an eagle large enough to lift a full grown man, but it   
   > seems that the Great Iak is recorded by Andiloricon in his Beastiary as   
   > being native to the Empty Lands north of Ludia.)  Of course the boy was   
   > not about to let some beast carry his father away, so he shot an arrow   
   > into it.  Unfortunately that was insufficient to bring it down, and his   
   > father was carried high into the air before the Iak lost its hold on   
   > him.   
   > The poor man must have been in terrible shape, when his son arrived at   
   > his side.   
   >   
   >   
   > Ah, poor Sewo.  He was there and he saw it happen.  He saw the great   
   > bird sweep down upon his father, and he saw him lifted up.  I'm sure he   
   > shot his arrows into her -- he always was good with a bow.  But his   
   > father could not be saved, for the gods have spoken against our family.   
   > They sent their servant to punish him, and she took him into the sky,   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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