From: mdhangton@gmail.com   
      
   Michelle Bottorff wrote:   
   > Jim Hetley  wrote:   
   >   
   >>> Do you think it's more accessible to the reader if the last line is   
   >>> changed to:   
   >>>   
   >>>      "He's right," Miller said, "that's what you say to a girl,"   
   >>> because he had sort of called the kid Miss.   
   >   
   > I find this addition bit awkward, somehow.   
   >   
   > I don't think I'm happy with either the placement or the phrasing.   
   >   
   > "...sort of called the kid [specific word]" just seems problematical.   
   > Did he call the kid 'Miss' or not?   
   >   
   > I'm guessing a translation including 'Miss' wouldn't be very literal?   
   >   
   No.  I don't comprehend much of the language, but for my purpose, I   
   looked up "What is your name?" in some tourist phrasebooks, and this is   
   a mixture of the way English pronounciation was rendered in two of   
   them.  There are at least 4 forms of this phrase, and when it begins   
   with Cho, it is a formal way to say it to an apparently unattached   
   woman, perhaps somewhat flattering if the woman is middle aged.   
      
   I think the third word should be pronounced closer to "ten."   
      
   > If only one word is wrong, could you say:   
   > "He's right,"  Miller said.   "xxx is what you say to a girl, you should   
   > have used xxx instead," or something of the sort?   
   >   
   >   
   > Also, if you have the translation as part of the third person narration,   
   > I think it really ought to go immediately following the foriegn words.   
   >   
   > He turned to back to the kid.  "Ko thane la zee?"  Which means, roughly,   
   > "...."   
   >   
   > It just feels more natural to me to have it right away.  Explaining the   
   > response with a semi-translation but not the original phrase just seems   
   > off somehow.  IMHO.   
   >   
   >> I'd like more of a translation, perhaps Miller mocking the journalist with   
   >> the literal version.   
   >   
   > I don't mind not getting any translation myself.  The original worked   
   > fine for me except that I wasn't sure immediately how to assign the   
   > "that" in  "That's what you say to a girl."  I floundered a bit trying   
   > to connect it up.   
      
   Please don't flounder.   
      
   It's an extended vignette that relies on familiar Nam movie images in   
   place of setting description & extensive characterization.  More   
   complication won't make it better; it will only make it longer.  I   
   think.   
   >   
   > "You said that like you were talking to a girl," would have been much   
   > clearer.   
      
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