From: djheydt@kithrup.com   
      
   In article ,   
     wrote:   
   >On Mon, 27 Aug 2018 05:18:15 GMT, goldfarb@ocf.berkeley.edu (David   
   >Goldfarb) wrote:   
   >   
   >>In article ,   
   >>  wrote:   
   >>>   
   >>>Jeremy tasted shadows as an echo flew past, leaving the smell of   
   >>>bright yellow in its wake.   
   >>>   
   >>   
   >>The comma is fine. It changes the flow of the sentence compared to how   
   >>things would read without it; it's not required there, but it isn't   
   >>wrong either. If you prefer how the sentence reads with it in -- and   
   >>truth to tell, I do too -- then have it by all means.   
   >   
   >Thanks! I just get the sense it's not 'correct,' but it seems to me to   
   >flow better. I hat such dilemmas!   
   >   
   >>>Other than that, how off-putting is it that it's just some nondescript   
   >>>people sitting around talking?   
   >>   
   >>I'm not put off in the least. This seems like an interesting situation   
   >>and I'd keep reading.   
   >   
   >Thanks again. I hate slow openings, but I just don't know how to get   
   >any interesting action at the beginning without later doing a really   
   >long infodump.   
      
   Oh, yes.  As a hook, it's right up there with "The doorknob   
   opened a blue eye and looked at him."   
      
   --   
   Dorothy J. Heydt   
   Vallejo, California   
   djheydt at gmail dot com   
   www.kithrup.com/~djheydt/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)