From: djheydt@kithrup.com   
      
   In article ,   
   Capuchin   wrote:   
   >On Mon, 27 Aug 2018 18:27:27 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J   
   >Heydt) wrote:   
   >   
   >>In article <2398odd30t9kf9vh2nlsta2l0q48d5v71h@4ax.com>,   
   >>  wrote:   
   >>>I should have also added that this is a job interview -- did that come   
   >>>across at all, or do I have to be more blunt about it?   
   >>   
   >>No, it didn't, but after that hook, it is likely that most   
   >>readers would keep reading.  You might take less time to indicate   
   >>that it's a job interview ... a couple of paragraphs, rather than   
   >>a couple of screensful.  Consider how much information you *need*   
   >>to get across before the action (which I assume is his getting   
   >>hired to undergo even further atrocities) begins.   
   >   
   >I'd probably do it by changing the line: 'The five people at the table   
   >at the other end of the room seemed even less impressed with him than   
   >when the interview started.' Simply making it 'job interview' doesn't   
   >seem right because I don't associate 'job' with being interviewed by   
   >execs.   
   >   
   >A couple of paragraphs on, he asks if the company develops weapons,   
   >and a few paragraphs after that he's asked what kind of position he   
   >expects.   
   >   
   >Eight hundred words into the story is: He fought the urge to stand up   
   >and walk out. With graduation close and entry-level openings virtually   
   >non-existent, failing to land this job probably meant starting his   
   >career by flipping burgers. What was he willing to do for a position   
   >with a company so generous they offered to pay off his student loans   
   >in exchange for never telling anyone they interviewed him? "Anything,"   
   >he said. "As long as the instructions are clear, I'll do my best even   
   >if I don't know why I'm doing it."   
   >   
   >I feel, though, it needs to be understood from the start he's there   
   >for a job.   
   >   
   >Some tinkering is needed, and unfortunately, such things always end up   
   >being obviously shoehorned hatchet jobs.   
   >   
   >The 'synth-sur formative' is a gentle form of flash-bang grenade -- a   
   >pulse induces synesthesia for less than a second, totally distracting   
   >the enemy, and then it takes most people a minute or so to recover   
   >from the sensation. It's much safer than a grenade because there's no   
   >physical harm or lasting effect. It's much less effective because of   
   >the short time span.   
   >   
   >He's being hired because he's relatively immune -- it affected him   
   >only during the height of the pulse, and he recovered almost instantly   
   >without any training.   
      
   Okay, those are things that you can fill in in the next couple of   
   pages; I would suggest that *after* he's hired (and has signed or   
   otherwise authorize something so that he can't back out now), he   
   gets told some of what's been going on.   
      
   --   
   Dorothy J. Heydt   
   Vallejo, California   
   djheydt at gmail dot com   
   www.kithrup.com/~djheydt/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)