From: NoReplies@jymes.com   
      
   On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 22:05:23 -0400, Joy Beeson   
    wrote:   
      
   >On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 10:56:57 -0500, Capuchin    
   >wrote:   
   >   
   >[snip]   
   >   
   >> "Enough!" the CEO said. He looked sternly at the woman, then at   
   >> Benedict, before turning back to Jeremy. "I apologize. My colleagues   
   >> do not enjoy working together. This can cause dissent and an   
   >> occasional disregard for rules." After touching his tablet to make it   
   >> go dark and pushing it away from him, he sat back and steepled his   
   >> fingers, looking very much like a man having to do a disagreeable   
   >> task. "You sensed a force which my associate manipulated. It was quite   
   >> inappropriate for him to do so without your knowledge and consent. He   
   >> will compensate you for the distress. It has, however, told us much of   
   >> what we need to know."   
   >>   
   >> *****   
   >>   
   >> (Extra points if you spot the worst clunker in that paragraph which I   
   >> dearly want to change but don't know how to without giving it an undue   
   >> number of words!)   
   >   
   >Well, I snagged on:   
   >   
   >> After touching his tablet to make it   
   >> go dark and pushing it away from him,   
   >   
   >I'd try   
   >   
   >> He switched off the screen of his tablet, pushed it away from him,   
   >> and sat back and steepled his fingers.  He looked very much like a man   
   >> having to do a disagreeable task.   
   >   
   >I have yet to find any use for a computer that doesn't have a   
   >keyboard, so what I've said he did to the tablet probably sounds   
   >weird.  Also, I don't know how to make "it" point to "tablet" rather   
   >than "screen".   
      
   What actually bugs me to no end is: ". . . looking very much like a   
   man having to do a disagreeable task."   
      
   It's like saying a character is 'beautiful' or 'lordly' -- telling,   
   not showing. But working through everything from the thinned lips to   
   the draining of color from his eyes would take an inordinate number of   
   words for something so trivial.   
      
   It's one of those, unfortunately common, times when I know it isn't   
   right, but I don't have the slightest clue as to what to do with it.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)