From: djheydt@kithrup.com   
      
   In article <8a1grg1jfad685lmlmaatv1mumofegsvbq@4ax.com>,   
   Capuchin   wrote:   
   >Something I'm trying to work on, but doubts keep overriding my   
   >efforts:   
   >   
   >*****   
   >   
   >The blackjack dealer slid a card from the shoe to the square in front   
   >of me and then took one for herself. My other knew I had a queen and   
   >she a six, but to maintain my disguise as a normal person, I lifted   
   >the corner of mine for a quick peek. The next cards, dealt face up,   
   >were an eight for me and a jack for her.   
   >   
   >I felt a sinking disgust. My other knew the next card in the shoe was   
   >a three. If I took it, I'd win with twenty-one. But who hits on   
   >eighteen? If I passed, her sixteen became nineteen, and she'd sweep my   
   >bet from the table.   
   >   
   >I waved off another card and sat back, waiting for the inevitable.   
   >Technically, I was ahead, but only about two thousand for almost an   
   >hour of bad hand after bad hand that nothing could make right.   
   >   
   >My other knew four face cards waited to be dealt next, another push,   
   >taking more minutes to neither win nor lose. I could force my other to   
   >see the cards beyond that, to see if there might be a streak of good   
   >luck waiting, but even after all my practice in front of a mirror, I   
   >always look like I'm constipated when I do that. Instead, I pushed a   
   >fifty dollar chip towards the dealer, downed the last of the melted   
   >ice in my glass, stood, smiled, and picked up my rack of chips. "Maybe   
   >tomorrow," I said and walked away without listening to her reply.   
   >   
   >The only way out of the casino was past the craps tables and row after   
   >row of slot machines. Since they relied on last-moment chance, rather   
   >than being preordained, both were immune to my other. I could know   
   >only things that were, not things that will be.   
   >   
   >*****   
   >   
   >I don't want to capitalize 'other' or call it 'the other' because that   
   >seems trite. Does it work this way?   
   >   
   >I also don't want to do an "as you know, Bob" about its traits and   
   >peculiarities, and/or what he does to keep it hidden. Is the idea here   
   >as plain as I would like to think it is?   
   >   
   >What would you do different?   
   >   
   Well: is this the opening of the story, or an extract from later?   
   If it's an extract, perhaps you'd want to introduce "my other" in   
   some not-too-explain-y way.  Appparent they can sense predetermined   
   order, which exists in the present, but can't predict random   
   actions that will happen in the future?  (This almost makes   
   sense.)   
      
   I am handicapped in this discussion by knowing damn-all about   
   blackjack--it is blackjack, isn't it?   
      
   Possibly an opening paragraph might help, on the order of   
      
   "We walked into the casino, my other and I.  I heard the rattle   
   of dice, the nervous chatter of voices, smelled high-quality   
   booze and cheap perfume.  But my other fed me the order of cards   
   in the deck, one deck becoming clear as it finished its last   
   shuffle, and [whatever else the other can see because it exists   
   in the present.]"   
      
   But it's an interesting concept.  Go with it.   
      
   --   
   Dorothy J. Heydt   
   Vallejo, California   
   djheydt at gmail dot com   
   Www.kithrup.com/~djheydt/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)