From: g@crcomp.net   
      
   Capuchin wrote:   
   > Dorothy J Heydt wrote:   
   >>Capuchin wrote:   
   >>>   
   >>>The blackjack dealer slid a card from the shoe to the square in front   
   >>>of me and then took one for herself. My other knew I had a queen and   
   >>>she a six, but to maintain my disguise as a normal person, I lifted   
   >>>the corner of mine for a quick peek. The next cards, dealt face up,   
   >>>were an eight for me and a jack for her.   
   >>>   
   >>>I felt a sinking disgust. My other knew the next card in the shoe was   
   >>>a three. If I took it, I'd win with twenty-one. But who hits on   
   >>>eighteen? If I passed, her sixteen became nineteen, and she'd sweep my   
   >>>bet from the table.   
   >>>   
   >>>I waved off another card and sat back, waiting for the inevitable.   
   >>>Technically, I was ahead, but only about two thousand for almost an   
   >>>hour of bad hand after bad hand that nothing could make right.   
   >>>   
   >>>My other knew four face cards waited to be dealt next, another push,   
   >>>taking more minutes to neither win nor lose. I could force my other to   
   >>>see the cards beyond that, to see if there might be a streak of good   
   >>>luck waiting, but even after all my practice in front of a mirror, I   
   >>>always look like I'm constipated when I do that. Instead, I pushed a   
   >>>fifty dollar chip towards the dealer, downed the last of the melted   
   >>>ice in my glass, stood, smiled, and picked up my rack of chips. "Maybe   
   >>>tomorrow," I said and walked away without listening to her reply.   
   >>>   
   >>>The only way out of the casino was past the craps tables and row after   
   >>>row of slot machines. Since they relied on last-moment chance, rather   
   >>>than being preordained, both were immune to my other. I could know   
   >>>only things that were, not things that will be.   
   >>>   
   >>>What would you do different?   
   >>>   
   >>Well: is this the opening of the story, or an extract from later?   
   >>If it's an extract, perhaps you'd want to introduce "my other" in   
   >>some not-too-explain-y way.  Appparent they can sense predetermined   
   >>order, which exists in the present, but can't predict random   
   >>actions that will happen in the future?  (This almost makes   
   >>sense.)   
   >>   
   >>I am handicapped in this discussion by knowing damn-all about   
   >>blackjack--it is blackjack, isn't it?   
   >>   
   >>Possibly an opening paragraph might help, on the order of   
   >>   
   >>"We walked into the casino, my other and I.  I heard the rattle   
   >>of dice, the nervous chatter of voices, smelled high-quality   
   >>booze and cheap perfume.  But my other fed me the order of cards   
   >>in the deck, one deck becoming clear as it finished its last   
   >>shuffle, and [whatever else the other can see because it exists   
   >>in the present.]"   
   >>   
   >>But it's an interesting concept.  Go with it.   
   >   
   > This is the opening.Yes, it's blackjack. You draw cards until you're   
   > as high as possible without going over 21, and then whoever has the   
   > highest hand wins. In casinos, the dealer has to stand on 17 and above   
   > and draw on 16 or less.   
   >   
   > One problem I've had is making sure there's no hint of another   
   > person/body involved, as in "significant other." I've learned that if   
   > a reader gets an idea there are two people, nothing will shake it   
   > loose. Even when told, by other characters' statements/actions they   
   > see only one person, the reader will still think there are two, but   
   > maybe one is a ghost, or invisible, or . . .   
   >   
   > I considered: ". . .  My other way of seeing showed I had a queen . .   
   > .," . . . "My unseen other eyeball looked through the cards . . .,"   
   > and . . . "My magic-induced other sight showed . . .," but nothing   
   > along these lines feels right.   
   >   
   > That he only sees things that are fixed adds, I think, on two   
   > different levels. It prevents him from being omniscient (and leading a   
   > perfect life), and it makes him wonder if there are people whose   
   > others can see the future (he doesn't know the source of his 'gift').   
   >   
   > There might be a later scene with him in a non-casino card game. He   
   > knows the next card will give him a full house, but what he's dealt is   
   > different. He instantly knows his opponent is dealing seconds, but he   
   > can't call him out on it ("I psychically knew what my next card would   
   > be" won't win you any friends at the poker table) .   
      
   Your first "my other" made me anticipate another person. Your second and   
   subsequent "my other"s made it clear there was no other person.   
       "My other" counter-intuitively works for me despite my instinct to   
   use "Other." All in all, your prose works "as is" for me.   
      
   Danke,   
      
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