From: zeborah@gmail.com   
      
   David Friedman  wrote:   
      
   > In article <1im4ooz.1mcu2qg1r3kimiN%zeborah@gmail.com>,   
   >  zeborah@gmail.com (Zeborah) wrote:   
   >   
   > > > I think it was entirely obvious, under the circumstances--I was   
   > > > proposing to travel from Chicago to Boston to spend time visiting with   
   > > > her. I suppose a relevant factor, at least from my point of view, was   
   > > > that she seemed to me to be much better at understanding people than I   
   > > > was.   
   > >   
   > > So you're saying that she ought to have gotten the obvious hints from   
   > > your behaviour.  She probably did, at that; but if you ask a question by   
   > > obvious hints then you mustn't feel aggrieved at receiving the answer in   
   > > obvious hints.   
   >   
   > I explicitly told her that I was coming to visit her, not other friends   
   > in the area, that if she didn't want me to visit her I wouldn't come,   
   > and asked if she wanted me to come. She replied that she would call me   
   > back--and didn't.   
      
   But you didn't explicitly say you wanted to be romantically involved,   
   which is what your initial post asked about.   
      
   > > I think she did exactly the appropriate thing.  Being more explicit in   
   > > her rejection than you were in your offer would have been rude and   
   > > risky:   
   > >   
   > >  * You might have been proposing to visit as a friend only, in which   
   > > case it would be hurtful to be told out of the blue that she didn't   
   > > consider you as a prospective romantic partner.   
   >   
   > I had explicitly stated that that was not the case.   
      
   No, what you explicitly stated was that you proposed to visit   
   her-but-not-other-friends.  That's not the same as explicitly proposing   
   to visit her-as-more-than-a-friend.  (It's certainly *implicitly*   
   proposing it, but not explicitly.)   
      
   > >  * You might have been asking by hints in order to avoid the pain of an   
   > > explicit rejection, in which case it would be unkind for her to give you   
   > > what you've made an effort to avoid.   
   >   
   > Had I asked her by hints, that might have been a plausible account. I   
   > didn't ask her if she was interested in being my girl friend, but I did   
   > explicitly ask if she wanted me to come visit her.   
      
   Your initial post asked:  'At a slight tangent, how do people feel about   
   this in the contest not of "do I want to go to bed with you" but of "am   
   I interested in any sort of potential romantic relationship?"'   
      
   I was answering that question -- that is, what I thought of how she   
   behaved with respect to the question of a romantic relationship.   
      
   If you want me to answer a different question, then ask that question.   
      
   Zeborah   
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