From: zeborah@gmail.com   
      
   Brian M. Scott  wrote:   
      
   > Does it help any if I explain that by and   
   > large words are for me at most mildly offensive in and of   
   > themselves, generally (if at all) because I find them vulgar   
   > or coarse, and that true offense -- for me, again -- comes   
   > only from context or perceived intent?  That I'd like to   
   > think that I'd still concentrate on context and perceived   
   > intent even if I had stronger emotional reactions to the   
   > words themselves?   
      
   I had kind of guessed that this was the case for you.   
      
   The thing is that you seem to be arguing that -- or perhaps as if --   
   everyone should react in this way.   
      
   Where I'm coming from is:   
      
   In an ideal world, quite likely everyone should react in this way.  And   
   I myself try to (but sometimes fail) most of the time -- but I'm lucky   
   to be a straight white female in a culture where it's not *overly*   
   dangerous to be a female.  There are still more risks than there ought   
   to be, but it's not very common for someone to say something to me that   
   causes me to start assessing possible exits, potential witnesses, will   
   my word stand against his, will I have the nerve to fight *hard*, etc.   
      
   Unfortunately, for many people this isn't the case.  For many people,   
   they do live at risk of being attacked either physically or verbally or   
   emotionally, or under the threat of other bad consequences.  For them,   
   they *have* to take words as potential warning signs; and they *can't*   
   give context or perceived intent the benefit of the doubt because if   
   they make a mistake then they're exposing themselves to (physical,   
   emotional, financial, civil...) danger.   
      
   Especially because even if the person saying it intends it innocently,   
   their friends might understand it differently and consider it an   
   implicit "It's okay to say stuff like this," and that can grow   
   frighteningly quickly into real (physical, emotional, financial,   
   civil...) danger.   
      
   You and I *can* concentrate on context and perceived intent.  But it's   
   not fair for us to expect, or to behave as if we expected, everyone else   
   to do the same.  Not everyone is in an environment where they safely   
   can.   
      
   ---   
      
   So... what you said helps understand your intent.  But intent has never   
   been what I (or I think Aqua) have been talking about.   
      
   Zeborah   
   --   
   Gravity is no joke.   
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