[continued from previous message]   
      
   7) You then repeat the stanza about here talking "spacey" and about   
   you're being unable to remember her name -- even though she had told it   
   to you twice.   
   8) You then tell the reader that you don't know what made you dream of   
   her.   
   9) You say that you'd made a couple of puns about her name (the one you   
   couldn't remember), and that the puns made *you* blush.   
   10) Now, having awoken from your dream, you just want to find her (i.e.,   
   stalk some girl you barely knew).   
      
   That's a very disturbing poem.  And it becomes even more disturbing when   
   you say that it wasn't a dream, but that it really happened ("I was   
   there, I lived it.").   
      
   After numerous attempts to explain what actually took place, you've   
   finally reached a point where what actually happened is clear:   
      
   1) You were partying with some college age punk rocker types.   
   2) You met a girl there who you used to see walking around the halls of   
   your high school (but to whom you were too shy to strike up a   
   conversation with).   
   3) You talked awhile, but the conversation was awkward and detached   
   (possibly because she was stoned).   
   4) Even though you didn't really connect, you started kissing, because   
   you were both drunk./stoned at a college party and that's what people do   
   there.   
   Eventually you worked your way up to some "heavy petting," but that's   
   all the farther that it got.   
   5) Now, 40-some years later, you can no longer remember her name.   
      
   The two scenarios are telling *very* different stories.  If you knew how   
   to express yourself clearly, you could have written a poem that would   
   only have been offensive in its misogynistic tone and in your crudely   
   referring to her "hole."  That, from our discussions, was the poem's   
   *intended* effect.  But again, that is *not* how your poem comes across   
   -- because you failed to make the events comprising your narrative   
   clear.   
      
   Don't blame me because you don't know how to write.   
      
   Learn from the experience and enroll in a basic writing course.   
      
   I am not suggest this to belittle you in any way.  Rather, it is the   
   best, and kindest, advice that anyone will ever give to you.   
      
      
      
   >> Harry Liar reposted an "edited" poem Will had written over 40 years ago   
   >> about a dream he'd had. You reposted part of the poem, snipping the line   
   >> about it being a dream, to falsely accuse him of sexual assault.   
   >>   
   >> Here's the thread, so readers can see for themselves:   
   >   
   > https://www.novabbs.com/arts/article-flat.php?id=15788&group=r   
   c.arts.poems#15788   
   >   
   > Thanks again for reading and commenting, George.   
      
   --   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)