[continued from previous message]   
      
   >> And, you have yet to identify who this person being addressed is.   
   >   
   > Probably the principal, after Mr. Dockery got kicked out of school.   
      
   I've been thinking about Will's poem, and I've come to a similar   
   conclusion.   
      
   The speaker is lying "shattered" on the floor, with his life having   
   passed him by, because he'd just received notice that he would have to   
   be repeating his senior year again.   
      
      
   >> This is another earmark of a Will Donkey poem -- addressing various   
   >> pronouns (you, he, she, it, they) without identifying them to the   
   >> reader.   
   >   
   > It was all a dream, and he had forgotten their names, although they had   
   > told him twice.  "Hole in one"   
      
   In this particular poem, it turns out that he has simply lost his   
   marbles.   
      
      
   >>>>>>>  if I see things denied   
   >>   
   >>   
   >> It's impossible to tell if this line relates to that preceding or   
   >> following it.  It doesn't make sense either way.   
   > Not surprising.   
      
   That's one of the problems with Fragmentist poetry -- the individual   
   thought fragments aren't required to correspond to any of the other   
   thought fragments.   
      
   >>   
   >> Is he seeing things he once defined denied?  What did he define?  For a   
   >> person to "define" something would mean that he was the perfect symbol   
   >> of that particularly quality or characteristic (Joe was the definition   
   >> of courage).   
   >>   
   >> Or is his waking contemplation of the possibility of returning to...   
   >> some unidentified thing (a relationship?) being denied by the   
   >> unidentified someone's actions?   
   > All of those things.   
      
   No... I'm convinced that he's lying on the floor (excuse me, at the   
   floor) having gotten drunk and stoned out of his mind, upon learning   
   that he'd been left back yet again.   
      
   It all makes perfect sense.   
      
   Well, maybe not perfect sense.. and maybe not all of it... but at least   
   it's got some semblance of a plot.   
      
      
   >> You need to learn how to convey information to your readers.  Language   
   >> is about communication.  It is the means by which we pass on   
   >> *information* to others.  When your poetry hints at vague relationships   
   >> with unidentified pronouns, it is failing to express anything.   
   >   
   > That's a theme in Mr. Dockery's attempts at writing.   
      
   It's also indicative of his laziness.  Why bother to think up a word for   
   something when you can just use a handy-dandy pronoun?   
      
   "I told you it was good   
   But you said it was bad   
   What was it that we had?   
   I've never understood."   
      
   I've just written a Donkey style stanza in 3 seconds flat!   
      
      
   >> Vaguery can be used to a poem's advantage -- but the *entire poem*   
   >> should never be incoherent.   
   >   
   > At least he is consistent.   
      
   True.  Let's give him credit for that.   
      
   >>>>>>>  I once defined   
   >>>>>>>  a life just passed me by there   
   >>   
   >> Where's "there"?  If the life "just" passed you by, it would have done   
   >> so just a few seconds ago, so "there" should be "here."   
   >   
   > That was Sydne's wrong left turn with Stinky G.   
      
   So Sydne turned here when she should have been there, and now only a   
   broken Stinky G is left.   
      
      
   >>   
   >> But earlier in the poem, you'd said that someone else's life had just   
   >> passed by.   
   >   
   > Sydne's ghost.   
      
   No, it couldn't have been Sydne's ghost.  Will wrote the poem in 1976   
   when he was a high school senior.  Perhaps the ghost was that of his   
   future upon learning that he'd been left back another time?   
      
   >>   
   >> Which life was it?  The speaker's life?  Or the unidentified "you" he is   
   >> addressing?   
   >   
   > The ghost of Dan Barfly.   
      
   Dan was still alive then, too.  I believe he'd been thrown out of school   
   for sleeping with underage students, but he was still hanging around the   
   local bars.   
      
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  slipped through my fingers   
   >>   
   >> This is just another way of saying "passed me by."  If a line doesn't   
   >> add anything to the poem, you should cut it.   
   >   
   > Perhaps the whole poem should be cut?  Not just perhaps.   
      
   Perhaps the collected works of Will Donkey should be cut.  With the   
   exception of "When the Mill Shut Down" (or whatever it was called).   
      
   >>>>>>>  everything here now is real   
   >>   
   >> WFT?   
   >>   
   >> Was everything not real a moment ago?   
   >>   
   >> More importantly, *what* has become real?   
   >   
   > "The Real Housewives of Atlanta?"   
      
   The real housewives of Will Donkey's Atlanta don't really have houses.   
   They squat in abandoned "mansions" and do their doody in the back yard.   
      
   >>>>>>>  so wait.   
   >>>>>>>  That portion of the finish   
   >>>>>>>  never comes.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >> I'm guessing that you were stoned out of your senses when you wrote   
   >> this, and that it all made perfect sense to you at the time?   
   >   
   > He did the best drugs he could score on the playgrounds.   
      
   He was seeing a lot of "pretty lights" back in those days.   
      
      
   >>   
   >> Are you telling the unidentified "you" (whose life had passed --   
   >> implying that they had died) to wait?   
   >   
   > "Wait for Me" - Hall and Oates   
      
   I'm not familiar with that one (but please don't post a link).   
      
   >   
   >>   
   >> Are you telling yourself to wait -- as your train of thought jumps   
   >> tracks?   
   >   
   > "Then I'm willing to wait for it.   
   > I'm willing to wait for it." - "Hamilton"   
      
   I had to google that one.   
      
      
   >>   
   >> Or are you telling the reader, who you haven't been addressing, to wait?   
   >   
   > "Wait Mister Postman"   
      
   Now that one I know!   
      
   >   
   >>   
   >> And why use "portion" rather than "part"?  It just sounds false (like a   
   >> child attempting to use "big words").   
   >   
   > Dockery was merely a 22-year-old, just entering the 5th grade. He knew   
   > few words.   
      
   And now at 65 (give or take), he's increased is vocabulary to   
   approximately 100 words. Go Donkey!   
      
   >> And just what part of what finish are you referring to?   
   >   
   > He meant Finnish.   
      
   So he and his friends and family were carving up a Finnish exchange   
   student?   
      
      
   >>   
   >> Everything has suddenly become real (even though you had given no   
   >> previous indication that it was false, and even though you've failed to   
   >> even hint at what "real" and "everything" relate to), is meant to be a   
   >> false finish that never comes (and is, therefore, not a finish)?   
   >   
   > Yes.   
   >>   
   >> That would sound vaguely profound if it actually had any intelligible   
   >> meaning.   
   >   
   > You have words and music.  Do you need meaning too?   
      
   Meaning can be overrated.   
      
      
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>>>  Now that the lights are going so low   
   >>>>>>>  the dimming glow   
   >>>>>>>  falls on my ego   
   >>   
   >> We have now arrived at the point in a Will Donkey poem, when I'm   
   >> inwardly screaming out "SHOOT ME NOW!!!"   
   >   
   > That's when his teachers committed mass suicide.   
      
   No.  They committed mass suicide when they learned they'd be stuck   
   teaching him for another year.   
      
   >>   
   >> How does the dimming glow of some lights affect your speaker's ego?   
   >> Does he feel inconsequential at dusk?   
   >   
   > He is rhyming three consecutive lines.  It is vaguely reminiscent of   
   > "Leggo my Eggo."  The "so low" also refers to George Dance.   
      
   Will has often credited waffles as his poetic inspiration.   
      
      
   >> u   
   >>>>>>>  now that I'm falling   
   >>>>>>>  into my morning   
   >>   
   >> So your speaker is still lying "here" (or, perhaps, "there") waking up   
   >> from contemplating returning to someone or something, and the lights   
   >> have suddenly dimmed?  Was there a brown out?   
   >   
   > He's also falling up or down.  Maybe into?   
      
   Up, down, falling around, looping the loop and defying the ground!   
      
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  here I am gazing into those   
   >>>>>>>  reflector eyes   
   >>   
   >> Is the (supposedly deceased) "you" he's been addressing actually lying   
   >> on the floor with him (not having "passed by" him at all)?   
   >   
   > Robot.   
      
   Inflat-a-Mate.   
      
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  morning light   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)