[continued from previous message]   
      
   > don't know what he's prattling on about.  Hell, I don't even know if   
   > he's here or there.   
   >   
   > And, as a consequence, I cannot invest any interest (much less feelings)   
   > into his (non-) story.   
   >   
   >>>>>>  When do I get on up the road?   
   >   
   > "Get on up the road"?  That's not even decent backwoods slang.  When   
   > speaking about reaching a destination (literal, spiritual, etc.), one   
   > says "down" the road.  "Up" the road implies back to the start of your   
   > journey.   
   >   
   >>>>>>  The light sped out   
   >>>>>>  like a fire-fly   
   >   
   > "firefly" is not hyphenated.   
      
   I'd agree with that 100%. Good catch.   
      
   >   
   > So the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking light is now a hastily departing   
   > firefly?   
   >   
   > Pick ONE metaphor and stick with it.   
   >   
   >>>>>>  like gravestones   
   >>>>>>  never noticed   
   >>>>>>  never seen.   
   >   
   > OMFG!   
   >   
   > Now the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking, hastily departing firefly like   
   > light has turned into unseen gravestones???   
   >   
   > I can't wait to discover what the morph into next.   
   >   
   >>>>>>  Like marbles   
   >>>>>>  spilling from shattered minds.   
   >   
   > There it is!   
   >   
   > They went from dimming, to streaking, to hitchhiking, to hastily   
   > departing fireflies, to unseen gravestone, to marbles spilling from   
   > shattered minds.   
   >   
   > And this is the end of the poem?   
   >   
   > What was the topic?  The speaker lying in the "Here" or "There"?  The   
   > unknown person he was addressing?  Someone's life having passed -- or   
   > passed by?  Contemplating returning to... something?  Or the bizarre   
   > transformation of the morning light?   
   >   
   > I would like to say that this is bad, even for you, but it's really just   
   > par for the course as Donkey poems go: incoherent, incompetently   
   > written, and terminally uninteresting.   
      
   Thanks for your help.   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)