[continued from previous message]   
      
   >> This is just another way of saying "passed me by."  If a line doesn't   
   >> add anything to the poem, you should cut it.   
   >   
   > Perhaps the whole poem should be cut?  Not just perhaps.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  everything here now is real   
   >>   
   >> WFT?   
   >>   
   >> Was everything not real a moment ago?   
   >>   
   >> More importantly, *what* has become real?   
   >   
   > "The Real Housewives of Atlanta?"   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  so wait.   
   >>>>>>>  That portion of the finish   
   >>>>>>>  never comes.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >> I'm guessing that you were stoned out of your senses when you wrote   
   >> this, and that it all made perfect sense to you at the time?   
   >   
   > He did the best drugs he could score on the playgrounds.   
   >>   
   >> Are you telling the unidentified "you" (whose life had passed --   
   >> implying that they had died) to wait?   
   >   
   > "Wait for Me" - Hall and Oates   
   >   
   >>   
   >> Are you telling yourself to wait -- as your train of thought jumps   
   >> tracks?   
   >   
   > "Then I'm willing to wait for it.   
   > I'm willing to wait for it." - "Hamilton"   
   >>   
   >> Or are you telling the reader, who you haven't been addressing, to wait?   
   >   
   > "Wait Mister Postman"   
   >   
   >>   
   >> And why use "portion" rather than "part"?  It just sounds false (like a   
   >> child attempting to use "big words").   
   >   
   > Dockery was merely a 22-year-old, just entering the 5th grade. He knew   
   > few words.   
   >>   
   >> And just what part of what finish are you referring to?   
   >   
   > He meant Finnish.   
   >>   
   >> Everything has suddenly become real (even though you had given no   
   >> previous indication that it was false, and even though you've failed to   
   >> even hint at what "real" and "everything" relate to), is meant to be a   
   >> false finish that never comes (and is, therefore, not a finish)?   
   >   
   > Yes.   
   >>   
   >> That would sound vaguely profound if it actually had any intelligible   
   >> meaning.   
   >   
   > You have words and music.  Do you need meaning too?   
   >   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>>>  Now that the lights are going so low   
   >>>>>>>  the dimming glow   
   >>>>>>>  falls on my ego   
   >>   
   >> We have now arrived at the point in a Will Donkey poem, when I'm   
   >> inwardly screaming out "SHOOT ME NOW!!!"   
   >   
   > That's when his teachers committed mass suicide.   
   >>   
   >> How does the dimming glow of some lights affect your speaker's ego?   
   >> Does he feel inconsequential at dusk?   
   >   
   > He is rhyming three consecutive lines.  It is vaguely reminiscent of   
   > "Leggo my Eggo."  The "so low" also refers to George Dance.   
   >   
   >> u   
   >>>>>>>  now that I'm falling   
   >>>>>>>  into my morning   
   >>   
   >> So your speaker is still lying "here" (or, perhaps, "there") waking up   
   >> from contemplating returning to someone or something, and the lights   
   >> have suddenly dimmed?  Was there a brown out?   
   >   
   > He's also falling up or down.  Maybe into?   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  here I am gazing into those   
   >>>>>>>  reflector eyes   
   >>   
   >> Is the (supposedly deceased) "you" he's been addressing actually lying   
   >> on the floor with him (not having "passed by" him at all)?   
   >   
   > Robot.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  morning light   
   >>>>>>>  is blasting my head clean too.   
   >>   
   >> "Too"?  Too implies that he'd already told us about something else that   
   >> the morning light was blasting clean.   
   >   
   > Why does his head need to be cleaned?  We thought that was what the   
   > Brillo hair was for?   
   >>   
   >> So... basically, the speaker had gotten drunk and/or stoned, passed out   
   >> either here or there, woke up contemplating whether he should return to   
   >> someone or something, rambled incoherently about how his life (or the   
   >> life of someone else) passed him by... until the morning lights dimmed,   
   >> blasting his head clean.   
   >>   
   >> Got it.  NOT!   
   >   
   > And fell down.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  Morning's clearer   
   >>>>>>>  I've been forgetting it.   
   >>   
   >> Donkey, Donkey, Donkey [shakes head], always with the pronouns.  The   
   >> speaker has been forgetting what?   
   >   
   > Forgot to put his pants on?   
   >>   
   >> And how can morning be "clearer" when it had never been described as   
   >> being "unclear"?   
   > He put his glasses on?   
   >   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>   
   >>>>>>>  Your thoughts seem to stream   
   >>>>>>>  like a highway   
   >>   
   >> Light streams.  Highways don't.   
   >   
   > He is rhyming "seem" and "stream."  So unexpected!   
   >>   
   >> Who is the speaker addressing?  Himself?  The morning?  The unidentified   
   >> person whose "uncaused" and "untraced" life had passed him by?   
   >   
   > "All or nothing at all."   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  dimming lights seem to streak   
   >>>>>>>  like hitch-hikers.   
   >>   
   >> "Hitchhikers" is not hyphenated.   
   >>   
   >> Why would morning lights be dimming again?  Usually the ambient light   
   >> increases as the sun continues its ascent.   
   >   
   > The laws of physics work differently in Shadowville.   
   >   
   >>   
   >> And why are the hitchhikers streaking?  I realize this was written in   
   >> the 70s when streaking as still a thing, but I don't believe that the   
   >> two (hitchhiking and streaking) went together.   
   >   
   > "Sweet Hitchhiker   
   > We could make music at the Greasy King   
   > Sweet Hitchhiker,   
   > Won't you ride on my fast machine?" - Creedence Clearwater Revival   
   >>   
   >> And even if there were dim streaks of light in your "here" (or,   
   >> possibly, "there"), how does dim light recall a hitchhiker (naked or   
   >> dressed)?   
   >   
   > "A thumb goes up, a car goes by   
   > It's nearly one A.M. And here am I   
   > Hitchin' a ride, hitchin' a ride" - Vanity Fare   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  When does this dream end?   
   >>   
   >> WHEN DOES THIS GODAWFUL POEM END???   
   > It ends when it ends, and not a pile of seconds before.   
   >>   
   >> I'm not joking, Donkey.  A poem needs to grab, and hold, the reader's   
   >> interest. Since I have no idea what your poem is about (other than your   
   >> waking up still feeling the effects of the previous night's drugs), I   
   >> have *ZERO* interest in it.   
   >   
   > It should have been thrown "at" the floor in English class. Big f'n F   
   > grade.   
   >>   
   >> I don't know who is speaking.  I don't know who he's speaking to.  I   
   >> don't know what he's prattling on about.  Hell, I don't even know if   
   >> he's here or there.   
   >   
   > "But who knows where or when?"   
   >>   
   >> And, as a consequence, I cannot invest any interest (much less feelings)   
   >> into his (non-) story.   
   >   
   > The writing is beyond bad and not something anyone should be proud to   
   > show others.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  When do I get on up the road?   
   >>   
   >> "Get on up the road"?  That's not even decent backwoods slang.  When   
   >> speaking about reaching a destination (literal, spiritual, etc.), one   
   >> says "down" the road.  "Up" the road implies back to the start of your   
   >> journey.   
   >   
   > Unless one is lying by the side of the road, and the asphalt is quite   
   > thick.  Didn't the speaker fall down in previous stanzas?   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  The light sped out   
   >>>>>>>  like a fire-fly   
   >>   
   >> "firefly" is not hyphenated.   
   >>   
   >> So the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking light is now a hastily departing   
   >> firefly?   
   >   
   > Fireflies are very slow fliers.   
   >>   
   >> Pick ONE metaphor and stick with it.   
   >   
   > That's like asking Mr. Dockery to stick with one pronoun.   
   >>   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  like gravestones   
   >>>>>>>  never noticed   
   >>>>>>>  never seen.   
   >>   
   >> OMFG!   
   >>   
   >> Now the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking, hastily departing firefly like   
   >> light has turned into unseen gravestones???   
   >   
   > And they are up on the road!   
   >>   
   >> I can't wait to discover what the morph into next.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  Like marbles   
   >>>>>>>  spilling from shattered minds.   
   >>   
   >> There it is!   
   >>   
   >> They went from dimming, to streaking, to hitchhiking, to hastily   
   >> departing fireflies, to unseen gravestone, to marbles spilling from   
   >> shattered minds.   
   >   
   > How many people can relate to marbles spilling out of minds?  Lost their   
   > marbles?  That's a literal interpretation that is typical of immature,   
   > cliched thinking.   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)