[continued from previous message]   
      
   >> possibly, "there"), how does dim light recall a hitchhiker (naked or   
   >> dressed)?   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  When does this dream end?   
   >>   
   >> WHEN DOES THIS GODAWFUL POEM END???   
   >>   
   >> I'm not joking, Donkey.  A poem needs to grab, and hold, the reader's   
   >> interest. Since I have no idea what you poem is about (other than your   
   >> waking up still feeling the effects of the previous night's drugs), I   
   >> have *ZERO* interest in it.   
   >>   
   >> I don't know who is speaking.  I don't know who he's speaking to.  I   
   >> don't know what he's prattling on about.  Hell, I don't even know if   
   >> he's here or there.   
   >>   
   >> And, as a consequence, I cannot invest any interest (much less feelings)   
   >> into his (non-) story.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  When do I get on up the road?   
   >>   
   >> "Get on up the road"?  That's not even decent backwoods slang.  When   
   >> speaking about reaching a destination (literal, spiritual, etc.), one   
   >> says "down" the road.  "Up" the road implies back to the start of your   
   >> journey.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  The light sped out   
   >>>>>>>  like a fire-fly   
   >>   
   >> "firefly" is not hyphenated.   
   >   
   > I'd agree with that 100%. Good catch.   
   >   
   >>   
   >> So the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking light is now a hastily departing   
   >> firefly?   
   >>   
   >> Pick ONE metaphor and stick with it.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  like gravestones   
   >>>>>>>  never noticed   
   >>>>>>>  never seen.   
   >>   
   >> OMFG!   
   >>   
   >> Now the dimming, streaking, hitchhiking, hastily departing firefly like   
   >> light has turned into unseen gravestones???   
   >>   
   >> I can't wait to discover what the morph into next.   
   >>   
   >>>>>>>  Like marbles   
   >>>>>>>  spilling from shattered minds.   
   >>   
   >> There it is!   
   >>   
   >> They went from dimming, to streaking, to hitchhiking, to hastily   
   >> departing fireflies, to unseen gravestone, to marbles spilling from   
   >> shattered minds.   
   >>   
   >> And this is the end of the poem?   
   >>   
   >> What was the topic?  The speaker lying in the "Here" or "There"?  The   
   >> unknown person he was addressing?  Someone's life having passed -- or   
   >> passed by?  Contemplating returning to... something?  Or the bizarre   
   >> transformation of the morning light?   
   >>   
   >> I would like to say that this is bad, even for you, but it's really just   
   >> par for the course as Donkey poems go: incoherent, incompetently   
   >> written, and terminally uninteresting.   
   >   
   > Thanks for your help.   
      
   Thanks, George.   
      
   Looking good so far.   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)