[continued from previous message]   
      
   >>> recalled/recollected/remembered, but you wouldn't just use "traced" to   
   >>> signify that.  Your sentence appears to be bemoaning the fact that no   
   >>> one ever traced their image on a piece of transparent paper.   
   >>>   
   >>> And what's with the "never ever"?  People stop saying "never ever" at   
   >>> the age of 5 or 6.   
   >>   
   >> That was Mr. Dockery's mental age at 22 in the 11th grade.  He was doing   
   >> the best he could with what he had.   
   >   
   > Well, Will is to be congratulated.  He's since progressed to the mental   
   > age of a 10-year old.   
   What is a 10-year-old capable of learning?  Supposedly logic, but we   
   don't see that.  Coming into puberty at the age of five hindered Will   
   Dockery.  (They do things differently in the deep South).   
   >   
   >>   
   >>>   
   >>>>>>>>  If some morning I wake   
   >>>>>>>>  here for you   
   >>>   
   >>> Again, this is torturous prose.  It should be "If I awake some morning."   
   >>>  In your line, the speaker is pondering the consequences of his waking   
   >>> up a morning.   
   >>>   
   >>> "Here," again, is superfluous -- where else would you be expected to   
   >>> wake?  "There"?   
   >>   
   >> Maybe "on" or "at?"   
   >   
   >   
   > I've got it!  Will woke up lying here at the floor over there!   
   All things for all people.   
   >   
   >>>   
   >>>>>>>>  trying to find some reason to return   
   >>>   
   >>> At this point, your speaker is babbling incoherently.  One doesn't wake   
   >>> up in the middle of attempting to find a reason for doing something.   
   >>> One wakes up from sleeping.   
   >>   
   >> Maybe he was trying to return something at Walmart without a receipt?   
   >   
   > You know, if he had a credit card, he wouldn't have any difficulty   
   > making returns.  Walmart's always been very good about that sort of   
   > thing.   
   >   
   > Of course to get a credit card, he'd have to get a job...   
   He could probably get a job at Walmart, checking receipts.   
   >   
   >   
   >>> And, you have yet to identify who this person being addressed is.   
   >>   
   >> Probably the principal, after Mr. Dockery got kicked out of school.   
   >   
   > I've been thinking about Will's poem, and I've come to a similar   
   > conclusion.   
   We think that the principal also killed himself.   
   >   
   > The speaker is lying "shattered" on the floor, with his life having   
   > passed him by, because he'd just received notice that he would have to   
   > be repeating his senior year again.   
   And he heard the voice of "GED" in the sky, telling him that he was   
   special, that he "don't need no education."   
      
   >   
   >   
   >>> This is another earmark of a Will Donkey poem -- addressing various   
   >>> pronouns (you, he, she, it, they) without identifying them to the   
   >>> reader.   
   >>   
   >> It was all a dream, and he had forgotten their names, although they had   
   >> told him twice.  "Hole in one"   
   >   
   > In this particular poem, it turns out that he has simply lost his   
   > marbles.   
   Such a lack of awareness in a 22-year-old llth grader.   
   >   
   >   
   >>>>>>>>  if I see things denied   
   >>>   
   >>>   
   >>> It's impossible to tell if this line relates to that preceding or   
   >>> following it.  It doesn't make sense either way.   
   >> Not surprising.   
   >   
   > That's one of the problems with Fragmentist poetry -- the individual   
   > thought fragments aren't required to correspond to any of the other   
   > thought fragments.   
      
   Therefore, any thought fragment can be pulled out of the can of thought   
   fragments and be used at random without affecting the logic or flow of   
   the poem?   
      
   >   
   >>>   
   >>> Is he seeing things he once defined denied?  What did he define?  For a   
   >>> person to "define" something would mean that he was the perfect symbol   
   >>> of that particularly quality or characteristic (Joe was the definition   
   >>> of courage).   
   >>>   
   >>> Or is his waking contemplation of the possibility of returning to...   
   >>> some unidentified thing (a relationship?) being denied by the   
   >>> unidentified someone's actions?   
   >> All of those things.   
   >   
   > No... I'm convinced that he's lying on the floor (excuse me, at the   
   > floor) having gotten drunk and stoned out of his mind, upon learning   
   > that he'd been left back yet again.   
   Where was he getting the money to buy the drugs?  (or was Barfly   
   supplying them?)   
      
   >   
   > It all makes perfect sense.   
   >   
   > Well, maybe not perfect sense.. and maybe not all of it... but at least   
   > it's got some semblance of a plot.   
   Not an interesting or publishable plot, though.   
   >   
   >   
   >>> You need to learn how to convey information to your readers.  Language   
   >>> is about communication.  It is the means by which we pass on   
   >>> *information* to others.  When your poetry hints at vague relationships   
   >>> with unidentified pronouns, it is failing to express anything.   
   >>   
   >> That's a theme in Mr. Dockery's attempts at writing.   
   That's unexpressionism?   
      
   >   
   > It's also indicative of his laziness.  Why bother to think up a word for   
   > something when you can just use a handy-dandy pronoun?   
   Or use the same words over and over and over, like "tizzy," "troll," and   
   "obsessed?"   
   >   
   > "I told you it was good   
   > But you said it was bad   
   > What was it that we had?   
   > I've never understood."   
   >   
   > I've just written a Donkey style stanza in 3 seconds flat!   
   But it rhymes!  Dockery poems don't rhyme, or if they do, it is in   
   random lines.   
   >   
   >   
   >>> Vaguery can be used to a poem's advantage -- but the *entire poem*   
   >>> should never be incoherent.   
   >>   
   >> At least he is consistent.   
   >   
   > True.  Let's give him credit for that.   
   But no credit cards.  He couldn't even get a pre-paid one.   
   >   
   >>>>>>>>  I once defined   
   >>>>>>>>  a life just passed me by there   
   >>>   
   >>> Where's "there"?  If the life "just" passed you by, it would have done   
   >>> so just a few seconds ago, so "there" should be "here."   
   >>   
   >> That was Sydne's wrong left turn with Stinky G.   
   >   
   > So Sydne turned here when she should have been there, and now only a   
   > broken Stinky G is left.   
   And where is Stinky G, since he's neither here nor there?   
   >   
   >   
   >>>   
   >>> But earlier in the poem, you'd said that someone else's life had just   
   >>> passed by.   
   >>   
   >> Sydne's ghost.   
   >   
   > No, it couldn't have been Sydne's ghost.  Will wrote the poem in 1976   
   > when he was a high school senior.  Perhaps the ghost was that of his   
   > future upon learning that he'd been left back another time?   
   Time travel is fluid.   
   >   
   >>>   
   >>> Which life was it?  The speaker's life?  Or the unidentified "you" he is   
   >>> addressing?   
   >>   
   >> The ghost of Dan Barfly.   
   >   
   > Dan was still alive then, too.  I believe he'd been thrown out of school   
   > for sleeping with underage students, but he was still hanging around the   
   > local bars.   
   Because that's where the underage girls and boys were.   
   >   
   >>>   
   >>>>>>>>  slipped through my fingers   
   >>>   
   >>> This is just another way of saying "passed me by."  If a line doesn't   
   >>> add anything to the poem, you should cut it.   
   >>   
   >> Perhaps the whole poem should be cut?  Not just perhaps.   
   >   
   > Perhaps the collected works of Will Donkey should be cut.  With the   
   > exception of "When the Mill Shut Down" (or whatever it was called).   
   So one poem is passable in 50 years of writing?   
   >   
   >>>>>>>>  everything here now is real   
   >>>   
   >>> WFT?   
   >>>   
   >>> Was everything not real a moment ago?   
   >>>   
   >>> More importantly, *what* has become real?   
   >>   
   >> "The Real Housewives of Atlanta?"   
   >   
   > The real housewives of Will Donkey's Atlanta don't really have houses.   
   > They squat in abandoned "mansions" and do their doody in the back yard.   
   More hole references.   
      
      
   >   
   >>>>>>>>  so wait.   
   >>>>>>>>  That portion of the finish   
   >>>>>>>>  never comes.   
   >>>   
   >>>   
   >>> I'm guessing that you were stoned out of your senses when you wrote   
   >>> this, and that it all made perfect sense to you at the time?   
   >>   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-DOS v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)