From: bulldog23x@gmail.com   
      
   Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life   
      
   The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people   
   literally have no conscience, and that these people do not often look like   
   Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender. They look like us.   
      
   In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person   
   has taken on -- educator, doctor, leader, animal-lover, humanist, parent -- go   
   with your instincts.    
      
   Whether you want to be or not, you are a constant observer of human behavior,   
   and your unfiltered impressions, though alarming and seemingly outlandish, may   
   well help you out if you will let them. Your best self understands, without   
   being told, that    
   impressive and moral-sounding labels do not bestow conscience on anyone who   
   did not have it to begin with.   
      
   When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes   
   regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he   
   or she has.    
      
   Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or   
   a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may   
   involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you're dealing with a liar, and   
   deceit is the    
   linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as   
   you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and   
   less costly.   
      
   Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a   
   three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.   
      
   Question authority.    
   Once again -- trust your own instincts and anxieties, especially those   
   concerning people who claim that dominating others, violence, war, or some   
   other violation of your conscience is the grand solution to some problem. Do   
   this even when, or especially    
   when, everyone around you has completely stopped questioning authority. Recite   
   to yourself what Stanley Milgram taught us about obedience. (At least six out   
   of ten people will blindly obey a present, official-looking authority to the   
   bitter end.) The    
   good news is that having social support makes people somewhat more likely to   
   challenge authority. Encourage those around you to question, too.   
      
   Suspect flattery.    
   Compliments are lovely, especially when they are sincere. In contrast,   
   flattery is extreme, and appeals to our egos in unrealistic ways. It is the   
   material of counterfeit charm, and nearly always involves an intent to   
   manipulate. Manipulation through    
   flattery is sometimes innocuous and sometimes sinister. Peek over your   
   massaged ego and remember to suspect flattery. This "flattery rule" applies on   
   an individual basis, and also at the level of groups and even whole nations.   
   Throughout all of human    
   history and to the present, the call to war has included the flattering claim   
   that one's own forces are about to accomplish a victory that will change the   
   world for the better, a triumph that is morally laudable, justified by its   
   humane outcome, unique    
   in human endeavor, righteous, and worthy of enormous gratitude. Since we began   
   to record the human story, all of our major wars have been framed in this way,   
   on all sides of the conflict, and in all languages the adjective most often   
   applied to the word    
   war is the word holy. An argument can easily be made that humanity will have   
   peace when nations of people are at last able to see through this masterful   
   flattery.   
      
   If necessary, redefine your concept of respect.    
   Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of   
   someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect.   
      
   I have a spotted Bengal cat who was named Muscle Man by my daughter when she   
   was a toddler, because even as a kitten he looked like a professional   
   wrestler. Grown now, he is much larger than most other domestic cats. His   
   formidable claws resemble those    
   of his Asian leopard-cat ancestors, but by temperament, he is gentle and   
   peace-loving. My neighbor has a little calico who visits. Evidently the   
   calico's predatory charisma is huge, and she is brilliant at directing the   
   evil eye at other cats. Whenever    
   she is within fifty feet, Muscle Man, all fifteen pounds of him to her seven,   
   cringes and crouches in fear and feline deference.   
      
   Muscle Man is a splendid cat. He is warm and loving, and he is close to my   
   heart. Nonetheless, I would like to believe that some of his reactions are   
   more primitive than mine. I hope I do not mistake fear for respect, because to   
   do so would be to ensure    
   my own victimization. Let us use our big human brains to overpower our animal   
   tendency to bow to predators, so we can disentangle the reflexive confusion of   
   anxiety and awe. In a perfect world, human respect would be an automatic   
   reaction only to those    
   who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. The person who profits from   
   frightening you is not likely to be any of these.   
      
   The resolve to keep respect separate from fear is even more crucial for groups   
   and nations. The politician, small or lofty, who menaces the people with   
   frequent reminders of the possibility of crime, violence, or terrorism, and   
   who then uses their    
   magnified fear to gain allegiance is more likely to be a successful con artist   
   than a legitimate leader. This too has been true throughout human history.   
      
   Do not join the game.   
   Intrigue is a sociopath's tool. Resist the temptation to compete with a   
   seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him.   
   In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting   
   yourself from what is really    
   important, which is to protect yourself.   
      
   The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse   
   any kind of contact or communication.   
   Psychologists do not usually like to recommend avoidance, but in this case, I   
   make a very deliberate exception. The only truly effective method for dealing   
   with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from your life   
   altogether.    
   Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to   
   include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. Begin   
   this exclusion of them in the context of your own relationships and social   
   life. You will not hurt    
   anyone's feelings. Strange as it seems, and though they may try to pretend   
   otherwise, sociopaths do not have any such feelings to hurt.   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)