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   Gaslighting: The Mind Game Everyone Should Know About   
   By Zen Gardner - 06/06/201628203   
          
      
   [The following technique is pervasive in our manipulated society where this   
   type of abuse system is rampant on large scales as well as by individuals,   
   well worth studying up about in order to be familiar with it and thus   
   empowered to identify and stay    
   free from this insidious crippling phenomenon. – Zen]   
      
   Alex Myles   
   Elephant Journal   
      
   Unfortunately, there is a good chance that we have all been gaslighted by   
   someone at some point in our lives, even if it was just on a small scale by   
   someone we barely know.   
      
   Sadly, many fall victim to it within their intimate relationships, or even in   
   dealings with “friends” or family members.   
      
   There is also a high chance that we will have failed to spot someone was   
   playing this insidious mind game with us and until we fully understand it,   
   there is a high chance that it could happen again.   
      
   One of the main reasons we may not recognise it is that many of us will fail   
   to believe those we trust and love are capable of manipulating us (it is this   
   denial that keeps the dynamic going.) Also, the gaslighter will most likely be   
   highly skilled at    
   covering their tracks, keeping things subtle and being a skilled master or   
   mistress of deception.   
      
   Gaslighting is one of the most extreme, dangerous and effective forms of   
   emotional and psychological abuse and is mostly carried out intentionally.   
   Gaslighting is a game of mind control and intimidation that is often used by   
   narcissists and sociopaths as    
   a way of controlling, confusing and debilitating someone.   
      
   The term gaslighting was coined in the 1938 play Gas Light and the film   
   adaptions that were then created helped to enhance its popularity.   
      
      
   In the play the husband used forms of manipulation in an attempt to drive his   
   wife crazy, for example he deliberately dims the gaslights in the house but   
   told his wife that she was imagining it. With the use of various tricks he   
   tried to convince his    
   wife that she was going insane and also that she was losing her memory.   
      
   The whole intention of gaslighting is to decrease someone’s self-esteem and   
   self-confidence so they are unable to function in an independent manner. The   
   person being gaslighted will eventually become so insecure that they will fail   
   to trust their own    
   judgment, their intuition and find themselves unable to make decisions.   
      
   Eventually the victim will become so unsure of what reality looks like that   
   they become completely dependent on their abuser. The abuser will appear to   
   the victim to be the only one to have a clear grip of their mind and also of   
   what is going on around    
   them.   
      
   The abuser will systematically and frequently withhold information and then   
   deliberately alter facts to disorientate their victim.   
      
   They may also remove things from certain places and then deny doing so to   
   destabilize and confuse the other person.   
      
   The abuser will refrain from mentioning specific details and then convince the   
   other person that they had told them, so the victim thinks they are losing   
   their memory or their mind.   
      
   The abuser will say something then ask their victim to repeat what it is they   
   have said. When the victim repeats clearly word for word, the abuser will lie   
   to say they haven’t said a particular word, or that they have spoken it in a   
   different tone of    
   voice to that of which the abuser heard. For example, the abuser may say   
   something angrily or aggressively, but when the victim gets upset, they will   
   completely deny having used this tone, quickly changing their voice to a   
   gentler and calmer tone. The    
   abuser may then accuse their victim of deliberately trying to hear everything   
   they say in a negative way—even though the abuser knows they deliberately   
   wanted to appear as aggressive and negative.   
      
   Often, the abuser will want to create levels of distrust within the   
   relationship to make the victim feel they either are cheating, or would cheat   
   at the first opportunity. They may say things to make their victim feel   
   insecure and jealous, for example,    
   deliberately mentioning a certain person in a way that makes it sound as   
   though there is more going on behind the scenes. When the victim questions   
   this, the abuser will accuse the victim of having trust issues and this will   
   falsely further confirm in    
   the victim’s mind that they have serious insecurities and also, that they   
   are extremely paranoid.   
      
   The abuser will make up very convincing lies to deliberately upset the other   
   person and then call them names, mock them and put them down for getting upset   
   and for overreacting. The abuser will also make light of anything that the   
   victim feels is    
   important to make the victim’s opinions, life-choices and thoughts seem   
   juvenile or that they are inferior to their own. It is likely that the abuser   
   will laugh at or sneer at their victim, but when questioned, convince their   
   victim that they were    
   imagining it.   
      
   Some warning signs that gaslighting is taking place:   
      
   Apologizing. A victim of gaslighting will constantly be apologizing for doing   
   things wrong, even if they have done nothing wrong. Feeling sorry for   
   everything means that the accountability and responsibility for all perceived   
   wrong-doings has been    
   claimed by one person—the victim. This ensures the perpetrator remains   
   innocent and the victim is continuously guilty.   
      
   Can’t Make decisions. The victim will find decision making increasingly   
   difficult, as they will feel that whatever they choose will be the wrong   
   choice. Everything they do or say is wrong, so they feel that they are no   
   longer capable of making rational    
   decisions about anything, so they will leave it up to their abuser. This just   
   gives the abuser even more power and control and prolongs the toxic dance that   
   is taking place between the two.   
       
   Change. Change is not always easy to notice, since most change happens bit by   
   bit, so the process can feel very natural in some ways. However, if the victim   
   thinks back to who they were before the relationship and who they are now,   
   they will probably see    
   significant differences.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)