From: gemini23x@gmail.com   
      
   Sibling Abuse: The Unspoken Threat   
   CC image courtesy of Flickr, stefanos papachristou.   
   CC image courtesy of Flickr, stefanos papachristou.   
   “The least recognized.”   
      
   “A well-kept secret.”   
      
   “Written off.”   
      
   These are but a few of the phrases used to describe violence perpetrated   
   between siblings. This violence can take any and every form that one sees in   
   parent-child abuse — including emotional, physical, and sexual. And as you   
   can see from the phrases    
   often used to describe it, it’s not something talked about much.   
      
   Sibling abuse is an unspoken threat — even (and sometimes especially) in   
   homeschooling families.   
      
   .   
      
   Facts About Sibling Abuse   
   .   
      
   Despite the lack of attention it receives, sibling abuse is not only real but   
   significant in both impact and scope. It is actually more common than   
   parent-child abuse. According to the New York Times, “Nationwide, sibling   
   violence is by far the most    
   common form of family violence, occurring four to five times as frequently as   
   spousal or parental child abuse.” It is estimated by Social Work Today that   
   “the rate of sibling incest may be five times the rate of parent-child   
   sexual abuse.”    
   Psychology Today reports that other forms of sibling abuse are also common:   
      
   “As many as 74 percent push or shove their brothers and sisters according to   
   Murray Straus, Ph.D., author of Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American   
   Family. Dr. Straus also found that 42 percent go further-they kick, punch and   
   bite their siblings.   
    If we add verbal abuse, the number climbs to 85 percent who ‘engage in   
   verbal aggression against siblings on a regular basis.'”   
      
   Despite being so common, sibling abuse is not frequently studied nor does it   
   get discussed on a large scale in the same way that parent-child abuse does.   
   It is often excused or minimized with lines like, “They’re just kids” or   
   “That’s something    
   kids do.” Even sibling sexual abuse gets brushed aside, as Social Work Today   
   points out: “Sibling sexual abuse has been dismissed as ‘child’s play’   
   in many cases and/or as a normal aspect of sexual development.” Psychology   
   Today adds that, “   
   There are few studies of sibling abuse and compounding the limited data is the   
   fact that abuse among siblings is a well-kept secret. It can remain ongoing   
   and undetected for years. The victim is usually younger and not as strong and,   
   thus helpless to    
   fight back.”   
      
   This is a problem because sibling abuse can cause the exact same damage as   
   parent-child abuse. Even seemingly less impactful forms of sibling abuse, such   
   as sibling emotional abuse, can be devastating: The New York Times has noted   
   that, “New research    
   suggests that even when there are no physical scars, aggression between   
   siblings can inflict psychological wounds as damaging as the anguish caused by   
   bullies at school or on the playground.” A study in Pediatrics by Corinna   
   Jenkins Tucker found that    
   sibling abuse was “associated with worse mental health” and the effects   
   “often continue into adulthood.”   
      
   .   
      
   Sibling Abuse and Homeschooling   
   .   
      
   Sibling abuse can and has happened in many homeschooling families. Despite the   
   fact that many homeschooling parents specifically withdraw their children from   
   public school to avoid bullying, bullying is not unique to any particular   
   schooling system.    
   Sibling bullying can happen between siblings and it is just as harmful as peer   
   bullying.   
      
   Physical Abuse   
      
   Many homeschooling families also face unique sibling abuse challenges due to   
   some of their conservative Christian ethics. Due to the popularity of child   
   training manuals such as Michael and Debi Pearl’s To Train Up a Child and   
   Reb Bradley’s Child    
   Training Tips, many families have adopted harsh and punitive corporal   
   punishment tactics. While it is worth investigating whether such tactics are   
   helpful or harmful, it is important to note that these discipline tactics are   
   often forced by the parents    
   onto their children to implement on each other. Many homeschool alumni have   
   spoken up about either being forced to spank their siblings or being spanked   
   by their siblings. This inappropriate transfer of power creates emotional   
   chasms between siblings,    
   perpetuating not only the impact of physical abuse but also the emotional   
   damage of having a sibling or peer punish another. It ironically re-creates   
   the exact same physical and emotional consequences as  peer bullying in public   
   schools.   
      
   Homeschool alum Libby Anne has explained how her family implemented   
   sibling-to-sibling spanking and the results it had on her relationships with   
   her siblings:   
      
   “I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point early on my mom   
   handed me the rod. She told me I was to spank my younger siblings if they   
   misbehaved or broke any rules and she was not in the room. The rule was that I   
   could spank any sibling    
   at least five years younger than me. This meant that at ten I could spank my   
   five-year-old sibling, and all those younger than him. This breaks my heart   
   because now, years and years later, my younger siblings tell me they saw me as   
   a bully, that they    
   resented me, that I ‘lorded it over them.’ … I spanked them because I   
   had been told to and did not know any better. I did not realize that as I   
   spanked I was building a wall of resentment between me and my younger   
   siblings. I wish for all the world    
   that I had been allowed to be a normal sister to my younger siblings. Instead   
   I was put up as a second mother, an authority figure, a clone of my parents   
   and their methods.”   
      
   Libby Anne’s experience is sadly not uncommon, nor is it an experience   
   relegated to a “fringe” aspect of religious homeschooling. Allegations   
   have surfaced regarding the highly influential Suarez family, owners of The   
   Old Schoolhouse magazine, and    
   how they too required peer-to-peer punishments. Then-13-year-old Megan wrote   
   that, “I was left in charge and instructed to care for and discipline the   
   younger children in the home – even told to strike them in the face when   
   ‘disobedient’ or ‘   
   disrespectful’ (they’d give me ‘slapping privileges’), which still   
   haunts me today.”   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)