From: mha23x@gmail.com   
      
   Is A Family Member Ripping Off Your Aging Parent?   
      
   Personal Finance APR 22, 2013 @ 04:36 PM53,017 VIEWS   
   Is A Family Member Ripping Off Your Aging Parent?   
      
   Carolyn Rosenblatt ,   CONTRIBUTOR   
   I write about healthy aging, and dealing with aging loved ones.     
      
   Carrie got concerned when her brothers suddenly began to exclude her from   
   their Mom’s financial affairs.  It didn’t feel right, but she wasn’t   
   sure she could do anything about it.  When she called, I got that “slow   
   burn” feeling that comes over    
   me when I hear about financial elder abuse. As a consultant for folks with   
   aging parents, it’s not the first time I’ve heard this kind of story.   
      
   Carrie and her brothers were supposed to all share authority on the Durable   
   Power of Attorney for Mom.  Mom and her lawyer had set it up that way, at   
   Mom’s request. It’s nice in theory, this idea of being democratic.  It’s   
   just not practical.    
   Unwittingly, the lawyer had put the 3 siblings into a trap. One could say   
   “no” to any decision and none of them could move forward.   They didn’t   
   all trust each other and clearly, there was a deliberate attempt to exclude   
   Carrie from the money    
   decisions.   
      
      
   Mom has dementia, Carrie reports.  This makes her vulnerable, even if she is   
   functioning fairly well in caring for herself at this time.   
      
   Carrie’s brothers are starting down the path of making themselves suspects   
   of the crime of elder abuse. Besides shutting Carrie out of the decisions,   
   they’ve taken her car, and are using her credit cards for personal things.    
   This is a brewing crisis.   
      
   Here are 7 warning signs everyone needs to know about if this is happening in   
   your family. These are, by themselves, not necessarily dangerous, but any   
   combination of them should raise suspicion and trigger action from those who   
   worry about abuse.   
      
       
    FidelityVoice   
   Divided Fed Stands Pat   
   1. A family member becomes secretive about the parent’s finances   
      
        In this case, a long standing pattern of making Mom’s books available   
   to all 3 siblings was altered.  Carrie knew what Mom’s  regular expenses   
   were and what she spent every month.  Mom is 87.  When Carrie got excluded   
   from online access to Mom’   
   s accounts, it raised a red flag.   
      
   2.  A family member lives with the parent and depends on the parent for   
   financial support.   
      
   Carrie’s brother Jack lives with Mom. He has a job, but Mom pays all his   
   bills. This has gone on for some time.  Now, he’s using Mom’s credit card   
   and he apparently doesn’t want Carrie to see what he’s spending.    
   Sometimes this situation is a    
   recipe for abuse because it’s just too easy to rip off the aging parent, who   
   is vulnerable to manipulation.   
      
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   3.  A family member begins to isolate the aging parent from others.   
      
        When there is anyone blocking visits, restricting access of other family   
   members to the elder, it’s another red flag. The potential abuser doesn’t   
   want anyone looking too closely at what is going on and the method to avoid   
   scrutiny is to keep    
   the elder away from the other family members.   
      
      
   4.  An adult child insists on being present when anyone else is with the aging   
   parent.   
      
   This can be a sign that an adult child is threatening the aging parent if   
   he/she talks about the financial manipulation that the elder knows is going   
   on.  If the elder has concerns, the abuser doesn’t want the aging parent to   
   reveal this to anyone and    
   may have frightened the elder into silence.   
      
   5.  A family member has a substance abuse problem and has influence over an   
   aging parent with memory problems.   
      
   Drug and alcohol dependency can make a liar out of just about anyone who has   
   this issue.  Memory impaired aging parents are “easy pickings” for money   
   to support the dependency habit.  The adult child or other relative uses the   
   relationship with the    
   elder to manipulate “loans” out of the elder and the elder forgets what   
   happened or can’t make sense of it but says yes.   
      
   6.  Sudden change in estate planning documents, particularly Durable Power of   
   Attorney, Trustee or signatory on a bank or brokerage account.  Cognitive   
   impairment begins subtly at first, but the elder is vulnerable to manipulation   
   even in the earliest    
   stages of dementia.  When names on legal documents suddenly get added or   
   removed, it is a suspicious sign, particularly if there is no obvious need to   
   make such changes.   
      
   7.  Kidnapping and moving the elder to an adult child’s home without notice   
   to anyone or discussion with anyone else.   
      
   This is a tricky problem.  If adult protective services asks the elder if   
   he/she wants to be with the adult child and the elder says “yes” there is   
   nothing APS is going to do at that point.  More evidence of elder abuse will   
   be needed to get law    
   enforcement involved.  If you are suspicious, start poking into the situation   
   as soon as you see the first red flag.  After the elder is removed to another   
   location, you can lose control of efforts to help.   
      
      
   If you suspect abuse, and want to protect your aging parent, contact Adult   
   Protective Services in your area.  Collect the specific information that made   
   you suspicious ahead of time.  Yes, you must name names, give dates of   
   suspicious activity and    
   provide facts the authorities can check out. It is possible in some states to   
   freeze the elder’s bank accounts pending an investigation.  Our financial   
   elder abuse problem in this country costs elders $2.9 billion dollars per   
   year.If family members get    
   past the discomfort and report abuse, it may do something to reduce this crime.   
      
      
      
   http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolynrosenblatt/2013/04/22/is-a-fa   
   ily-member-ripping-off-your-aging-parent/#26929f5c5ba3   
      
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