c2c69db2   
   From: user@example.com   
      
   gidisrael@gmail.com wrote:   
   > Hi,   
   >   
   > I’m an 18 yr old, I know I’m pretty smart, I’m a self taught computer   
   > geek and a Microsoft Certified Technology Specialist, I also spent   
   > sometime teaching programming at a computer institute and everything I   
   > know I learnt on my own. However, when it comes to school work, I’m   
   > terrible. We’ve had family problems since I was a pre teen, they’ve   
   > just been escalating since then and my academics have been taking a   
   > steep slope down. Last year, my schizophrenic father got violent with   
   > my mum and now they don’t speak to each other at home anymore, also,   
   > since my  dad is a pastor, my parents cannot separate. I finally   
   > landed rock bottom by failing my 12th grade! And I failed miserably in   
   > four out of six subjects, I have to give a re exam now by March and I   
   > fear I the same thing will happen again.   
   >   
   > Problem is , I cannot pay attention to anything I’m studying for more   
   > than 2 minutes. My mind wanders off so incredibly fast, I think of   
   > just something random associated oddly to something I might see or   
   > hear, then I jump from one thought to another, it’s like my brain is   
   > over firing any neural network that’s lit up. Example: Hey an airplane   
   > in the sky-> reminds me of Top Gun->Tom cruise is a great actor->He’s   
   > has a kid right-> What would my kids be like when I grow up-> Oh I   
   > would want a big house in the suburbs ->……….   
   >   
   > And the madness goes on, after 5-10 mins I realize I was dreaming, I   
   > then wonder how I landed on such an elaborate thought, then my mind   
   > fires again back tracing everything I just thought, I cannot stay   
   > attentive for even 2 mins. And I cannot study a THING! It takes hours   
   > to read pages!   
   >   
   > I’ve tried, praying hard, reading the bible, reading the bible in   
   > French and English (I have a French exam) listening to music while   
   > studying, studying with breaks, study at odd times, polyphasic sleep,   
   > harsh exercise, self injury, try to “like what I read”, reading books   
   > on how to read, reading tips like “open your mind” or count downward   
   > while reading! Nothing works, and someone suggested going to a   
   > doctor!  Would I happen to be bipolar? People tell to me stop whining   
   > but I really can't get my brain to pull through.   
   >   
   > Also, i feel enraged when things go wrong, i automatically feel   
   > depressed/covered in jealousy when i see people with friends, i have   
   > no friends or company myself, i always think people hate me no matter   
   > what and a lot of times people take advantage of me, as a result I   
   > feel this pain that i want to feel physically so i always want to hurt   
   > myself, i usually cut my wrist.   
   >   
   > Thanks   
   >   
   > Gideon   
      
   There is a saying :   
      
   Mind slow is normal.   
   Mind fast is madness   
   Mind stopped is Buddha   
      
   I had a terrific memory, but it was a memory that was full of junk.  I   
   could remember every stupid thing that I done, every wrong thing I said,   
       every argument that I had with someone from years ago word for word.   
   These thoughts were replayed again and again and again...........   
      
   Yes this memory came in handy sometimes for useful stuff and I amazed my   
   friends with my recall.   
      
   I did not have a waking moments peace.  Thoughts were constantly   
   streaming into my mind.  Every thing I said I played first in my mind   
   before I said it.   
      
   Eventually a number of external circumstances combined with my own inner   
     hell to produce a crisis.   
      
   My world started to collapse.  I started to spiral down drink - oblivion   
   was my only escape.   
      
      
   I went to my doctor and after a few treatments that did not work.  I was   
     prescribed Prozac.  Nothing happened for two weeks,   
      
      
   Then one morning I woke up and it was as if somebody had flicked a   
   switch.  I could not believe it.   
      
   I had always had trouble waking and felt terrible that day to sound of a   
     Saxophone playing on my clock radio I floated out bed.   
      
   There was no future no past unless I choose to think about them.   I was   
   living entirely in the PRESENT.   I was as if I had taken 10 years of a   
   Zen Meditation course.   
      
   There were lots of side effects.  Over a period of a few months they   
   disappeared to almost nothing.   
      
   I have been on medication for nearly 20 years.  I have stopped a few   
   times but I find I feel better than well when I take them.   
      
   So see your doctor.  Find the right treatment   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)