The Invisible Male Victims of Battered Woman Syndrome    
      
   Today, most of us are aware of the basic syndrome. A woman spends her early   
   years being intimidated and defrauded and possibly beaten by males. Submission   
   to abuse becomes imprinted on her brain as a survival mechanism resulting in   
   repetition compulsion.    
   Then, as a rule, in adult life she gravitates to similar relationships with   
   exploitative males.    
      
   Sometimes, another man in her life, for example a relative, friend or   
   ex-husband, will try to protect and rescue the battered woman. The battered   
   woman then turns on her protector and demonises him for having criticised her   
   abuser, then she praises her    
   abuser, and criticises herself for having 'upset' the abuser, and proclaims   
   that she must try harder not to 'upset' her abuser.    
      
   This causes terrible emotional anguish to the man who so very much wants to   
   protect the battered woman from the abuser. To see the woman vilifying her   
   protector while praising her abuser and criticising herself is just too   
   painful.    
   In my case, I felt repeatedly that she had unmanned me and reduced me to   
   nothing and nobody by her irrational behaviour toward me, her protector.   
      
   No, don't say this is all about my loss of hero status and my loss of male   
   glory as a protector. My intention is to shine the light on this forgotten   
   side effect of battered woman syndrome. The man who wants to protect the   
   battered woman is being    
   emotionally abused by the battered woman in a very painful way, as she   
   vilifies her protector and praises her abuser ...... who is laughing at the   
   protector as the woman he is abusing consistently praises and supports him.    
      
   This aspect of battered woman syndrome is rarely spoken of. Although a   
   battered woman has enough to cope with, I'm sure it would be therapeutic and   
   healing for such a woman to be made aware of what is said here and to think   
   carefully about the emotional    
   cruelty she is inflicting when she rejects and criticises a man who wants very   
   much to help and protect her.    
      
   In my case, the knockout punch came a few days ago. Months ago I could have   
   made him stay away from her, but she would not let me. After that I thought I   
   could at least help her a little bit by giving her some groceries and   
   vouchers, to ease her budget    
   and leave her with some money for luxuries. Then, a few days ago I happened to   
   be passing her as she stood at a cash machine, with the abuser standing beside   
   her holding her arm tightly. (He doesn't live with her all the time, but it's   
   safe to say he    
   turns up now and then on her payday.) That was her knockout punch against me.   
   If I give her anything, it will leave more money in her account for the   
   parasite to steal from her. Now I can't do anything to help her. I have to   
   just keep away from her    
   completely and to try to put all of this out of my mind.    
      
   In summary, the battered woman commits pitilessly cruel emotional abuse   
   against any man who tries to protect her.   
      
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   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)