XPost: sci.physics, sci.astro   
      
   In article <8LoHb.23$Y4.19683@news.uchicago.edu>,   
      mmeron@cars3.uchicago.edu wrote:   
      
      
   >Why?  It was funny.   
      
   It was meant to be funny.  The incidence of humor   
   impairment appears to be rising and I've been worried that   
   it was me who had acquired it.  A number of my lines have   
   fallen flat lately.   
      
   Over the last six months, I have been slllooowwwly working on   
   replacing the horsehair plaster in two closets with blue board.   
   The goal was to 1.  Eliminate two chimney effects (the holes   
   were in the ceiling which goes to the attic which goes to the   
   outside) and 2. Eliminate doorways for 4- 6- and 8-legged critters.   
      
   I have a compendium of stories about this effort but I'll   
   tell the latest one.   
      
   Closet #2's ceiling had 55% of it already covered with some   
   kind of wallboard.  The other 45% had exposed slats, dripping   
   horsehair plaster, insulation and gaps where 4-legged critters   
   had bulldozed a pathway into the closet.  They used this lane   
   to fill the pockets of my suede jacket with seeds but that's   
   another story.   
      
   Closet #1 had to be completely stripped of plaster (ugh!)   
   and relined so I had some blue board left over for closet #2.   
   The dimensions of the replacement space in Closet #2 were   
   about 7-3/8" x 6'.  I didn't have any strips of board left that   
   were 6'.  However I did have one strip of board that was exactly   
   the width I needed but ~38".  The other strip had be cut down   
   to the 7+" width but was also short.  So after I had cut the   
   width, trying out each board to make sure they would fit widthwise,   
   I started to work on examining the length part of the project.   
   I took Board#1, put it up and marked where it stopped, placed   
   Board#1 on the floor.  I took Board#2, put it in place and   
   noticed that I was short an inch.  Oh, well...I can't expect   
   exact fits with no cutting all the time.   
      
   So I laid both boards down to dry out, get warm.  The next day   
   I screwed in the first one.  I got the second one up and it   
   didn't fit; it was too long by 1/2".  The damned board had   
   grown longer.  Since I was already pooped, I quit for the day   
   instead of trimming the length of Board#2.   
      
   I have been reading physics newsgroups for a long time.  The   
   next morning, I decided that, if the fucking boards could   
   grow longer overnight, perhaps they can grow shorter overnight.   
      
   Sure enough, they had.  The second board was exactly the correct   
   length and it fit in tight.  So I screwed it in before it changed   
   its mind about which length it wanted to be.   
      
      
   Now, all I have to do is figure out how I caused it, figure   
   out how to can it, then all I have to do is sell it to certain   
   accelerator sites.   
      
   /BAH   
      
      
      
      
      
   /BAH   
      
   Subtract a hundred and four for e-mail.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)