XPost: sci.physics, sci.astro   
      
   In article <3ff18394$0$4751$61fed72c@news.rcn.com>, jmfbahciv@aol.com writes:   
   >In article <8LoHb.23$Y4.19683@news.uchicago.edu>,   
   >   mmeron@cars3.uchicago.edu wrote:   
   >   
   >   
   >>Why?  It was funny.   
   >   
   >It was meant to be funny.  The incidence of humor   
   >impairment appears to be rising   
      
   Yes, I've been observing this too.   
      
   > and I've been worried that it was me who had acquired it.  A number of   
   > my lines have fallen flat lately.   
   >   
   Well, when dealing with the humor impaired, any line will fall flat.   
      
   >Over the last six months, I have been slllooowwwly working on   
   >replacing the horsehair plaster in two closets with blue board.   
   >The goal was to 1.  Eliminate two chimney effects (the holes   
   >were in the ceiling which goes to the attic which goes to the   
   >outside) and 2. Eliminate doorways for 4- 6- and 8-legged critters.   
   >   
   Good luck with this:-)  They always find more doorways.   
      
   >I have a compendium of stories about this effort but I'll   
   >tell the latest one.   
   >   
   >Closet #2's ceiling had 55% of it already covered with some   
   >kind of wallboard.  The other 45% had exposed slats, dripping   
   >horsehair plaster, insulation and gaps where 4-legged critters   
   >had bulldozed a pathway into the closet.  They used this lane   
   >to fill the pockets of my suede jacket with seeds but that's   
   >another story.   
   >   
   >Closet #1 had to be completely stripped of plaster (ugh!)   
   >and relined so I had some blue board left over for closet #2.   
   >The dimensions of the replacement space in Closet #2 were   
   >about 7-3/8" x 6'.  I didn't have any strips of board left that   
   >were 6'.  However I did have one strip of board that was exactly   
   >the width I needed but ~38".  The other strip had be cut down   
   >to the 7+" width but was also short.  So after I had cut the   
   >width, trying out each board to make sure they would fit widthwise,   
   >I started to work on examining the length part of the project.   
   >I took Board#1, put it up and marked where it stopped, placed   
   >Board#1 on the floor.  I took Board#2, put it in place and   
   >noticed that I was short an inch.  Oh, well...I can't expect   
   >exact fits with no cutting all the time.   
   >   
   >So I laid both boards down to dry out, get warm.  The next day   
   >I screwed in the first one.  I got the second one up and it   
   >didn't fit; it was too long by 1/2".  The damned board had   
   >grown longer.  Since I was already pooped, I quit for the day   
   >instead of trimming the length of Board#2.   
   >   
   >I have been reading physics newsgroups for a long time.  The   
   >next morning, I decided that, if the fucking boards could   
   >grow longer overnight, perhaps they can grow shorter overnight.   
      
   Hey, worth a try.   
   >   
   >Sure enough, they had.  The second board was exactly the correct   
   >length and it fit in tight.  So I screwed it in before it changed   
   >its mind about which length it wanted to be.   
   >   
   Yes, you have to nake the best of the periods when they're in a   
   cooperative mood.   
   >   
   >Now, all I have to do is figure out how I caused it, figure   
   >out how to can it, then all I have to do is sell it to certain   
   >accelerator sites.   
      
   Sure, go for it.  You probably got some combination of thermal   
   expansion and swelling due to changing humidity.  Mostly the second, I   
   would guess.   
      
   Mati Meron                      | "When you argue with a fool,   
   meron@cars.uchicago.edu         |  chances are he is doing just the same"   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)