From: ABC.Service.Langues@skynet.be
History of the EVER LOSING French Military (Mach.)
"Machete" a écrit dans le message de
news:41f03dde$1_3@127.0.0.1...
> This is really a pretty good account the history of the French
> Military:
>
>
>
> * Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next
2000
> years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an
Italian.
> * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
> schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare;
> "France's armies are only victorious when not led by a Frenchman."
> * Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
> ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
> * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
> * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
> manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually
the
> other participants started ignoring her.
> * War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
> as chapeaux.
> * The Dutch War - Tied
> * War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian
> War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three "ties" in a row induces deluded
> Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French
> military power.
> * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French
> their first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since.
> * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to
> future Americans, France claims a win even though the formerly English
> colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle
Syndrome",
> and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when
> America does most of the fighting."
> * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent
> was also French.
> * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the
First
> Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a
> British footwear designer.
> * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of
> drunk Frat boy to France 's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
> * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by
the
> United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not
only
> sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly,
> widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in
> the French gene pool.
> * World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United
States
> and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
> * War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed
> with the Dien Bien Flu
> * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
western
> army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the
First
> Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is
> identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English,
> Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
> * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
> surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender
to
> the Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
> * War appearing on the horizon on the Ivory Coast, and France
> remembering the "First Rule of Muslim Warfare", French Govt. is pleading
for
> peace, hours after the first shots, in Remembrance of it's win/loss
record!
>
> And one last thought, why can't France train Frenchmen to be as good
as
> the legionaires, France's ONLY REAL arm of their military?
> _________________
> Martyrs', or Marines?, now who do you really think is going to get
the
> Virgins!
>
>
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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