From: ibshambat@gmail.com   
      
   I have a wonderful relationship with my family. However that has not always   
   been the case. It took a lot of effort on the part of my family, myself and a   
   number of third parties.   
      
   Counsellors can do both right things and wrong things. I had a counsellor who   
   told me a number of wrong things that I had to put in a lot of effort to   
   deconstruct. However she also helped improve my relationship with their   
   parents, and I am grateful to    
   her.   
      
   Conflicts in families is inevitable. What is not inevitable is them becoming   
   each other’s enemies. I have maintained a good relationship with my ex-wife   
   even though she left me to be with another man. This has been good for us.   
   This has also been good    
   for my daughter.   
      
   So sometimes we see situations in which there is suspicion of marital   
   infidelity or where one partner leaves the other. The biggest problem I’ve   
   seen in such situation is complete lack of forgiveness. We are living in a   
   world of sinners. The people    
   doing such things are not the only sinners in the world. A line that comes to   
   mind is, “May he who is without sin cast the first stone.” And in most   
   such situations, one is totally not without sin.   
      
   So there was Bill Clinton having sex with Monica Lewinski, and there was a   
   huge feeding frenzy about it. He was wrong to have lied to Congress about it;   
   what he should have said was, “This is none of your business.” A   
   person’s private sexual    
   behavior is between him and his partner. If Hillary forgives him for it, it   
   does not concern us.   
      
   In some places in Africa, if a man is caught in adultery, the woman gets   
   killed while the man gets off scot-free. I have seen women being compared to   
   the likes of Hitler for practicing marital infidelity or promiscuity. This is   
   wrong. It is a sin;    
   however it is a forgivable sin. There are many things much worse than marital   
   infidelity.   
      
   In many such situations, the man needs to have things put into perspective for   
   him. There are many women who are genuinely bad, such as any number in the   
   American feminist movement. Some people take this kind of thing very hard.   
   They think that they have    
   it worse with the woman than anyone else. Quite simply, these men need to find   
   out how many other women are before they have appreciation for what they have.   
      
   I now appreciate both my father and my mother, and I am on great terms with   
   both. Once again, this has not always been that way. If you have problems with   
   your family, there is hope. Sometimes people get the wrong idea about people   
   closest to them, and    
   it takes a third-party perspective to correct their errors. I expect to   
   provide the same when I start my work as a relationship counsellor.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)