Once while talking to a counselor, I told her about a situation where I gave   
   someone advice and it worked out badly for her. I had lots of guilt on the   
   subject. The counselor told me that it was her responsibility to take my   
   advice.   
      
   This bothers me. This bothers me because here is someone who is making a   
   living by giving advice. If she gives wrong advice, then according to her own   
   logic the client will have to blame himself for taking it. This person was   
   also talking a lot about    
   responsibility. But, by her own logic, she was absolving herself of   
   responsibility for doing the work that she did.   
      
   Now I often hear any number of people float such ideas as that everyone is   
   responsible for their reality and nobody can help or injure or influence   
   another; but what are they doing themselves? They are also trying to influence   
   any number of others,    
   including me. This influence can be helpful, injurious or work out in any   
   number of possible ways. It is however very real. I am responsible for   
   agreeing or not agreeing to the influence; but they are responsible for   
   wielding it.   
      
   Who bears a greater share of responsibility: The Germans who chose to follow   
   Hitler or Hitler who chose to lead them into a world war? Probably both have   
   their share. However after the war, it was the Nazi leadership and not the   
   people who got the axe.    
   Since then, Germany has been quite a good country. If the people were   
   responsible for following Hitler – and if, as many say, nobody ever changes   
   and people who have done this that or the other can never be good – Germany   
   would not have changed and    
   would be as bad now as it had been during the Second World War.   
      
   Then we see people involved in social movements likewise absolving   
   responsibility for the consequences of their actions under the banner of   
   personal responsibility. When I told a very vicious Lesbian feminist that the   
   horrendous behavior of Third Wave    
   feminists resulted in a resurgence of misogyny, she claimed that that was the   
   responsibility of the misogynists themselves. That is partly true, but what is   
   her role? If you are imposing a social policy, you are responsible for the   
   consequences. You    
   teach women to be jerks, many people – both men and women – will not like   
   it, and it will only be a matter of time before some opportunist comes along   
   and says that misogynists had been right about women all along.   
      
   Now according to some attitudes in psychology, neurotics take responsibility   
   for things that are not their responsibility and personality disorders do not   
   take responsibility for things that are. The question at this point becomes,   
   What is whose    
   responsibility? Different countries and different systems have different views   
   on this subject. Some think that responsibility is solely individual. Some   
   think that responsibility is shared. Some believe in separation of roles. Most   
   people speak in favor    
   of responsibility; but they have different ideas as to what responsibility is.   
      
   I have found responsible people in all sorts of pursuits, from business to   
   science and education. They were all responsible, but they had different ideas   
   as to what responsibility is. I see room for all of their definitions.   
      
   A line that Alcoholics Anonymous has publicized is “God give me the serenity   
   to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change the things that I   
   can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Wisdom here is the crucial   
   part. If you believe    
   that the only thing that you can change is yourself, then that is not wisdom   
   at all. People change all sorts of things, all the time, in all sorts of   
   directions. That has always been the case; that always will be the case.   
      
   So when we see a counselor preaching responsibility while obviously not   
   practicing it, we are seeing a lie. Whether it is a deliberate lie or a   
   consequence of not having thought things through, neither is acceptable. If   
   you are making a living by giving    
   people advice, you are responsible for the consequences of the advice that you   
   give; and blaming instead the person for taking it absolves you of the   
   consequences of your actions. By the definition of personality disorders, such   
   a counselor has a    
   personality disorder. And by definition of responsibility, she is being   
   irresponsible.   
      
   Whereas the people who think that everyone shapes their reality and that   
   nobody can impact upon one another have obviously not studied history. Of   
   course people can impact upon one another. Always did, always will; that's how   
   the world works. They are    
   themselves trying to influence me and any number of others. Which puts a lie   
   to their claim that nobody can impact upon anyone else.   
      
      
   I've found useful things in just about everything I've studied, with possible   
   exception of Islam. I however have no use for self-refuting attitudes. If you   
   believe in responsibility, but then fail to take responsibility for the   
   consequences of the advice    
   that you give your clients, you are a liar. If you believe that nobody can   
   influence another but are trying to influence me, what does that make you as   
   well? Responsibility needs to be defined precisely and wielded rightfully.   
   Only then can it become a    
   real value again.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)