From: ibshambat@gmail.com   
      
   When I was on an internet group called alt.romance, there were young men there   
   who called themselves “nice guys.” These people would befriend and counsel   
   young ladies, only to watch them pass over them in relationships and go with   
   men whom they saw    
   as being “jerks.” I watched these young men become more and more   
   aggressively misogynistic as they went from “women only go with jerks” to   
   “women make irresponsible choices in relationships” to “women are stupid   
   and evil” to “women    
   should be played, controlled and abused.”   
      
   Now leaving the issue of whether or not they were actually nice – their   
   behavior obviously shows to the contrary – there is something here with much   
   greater implications. While being a player can work in getting casual sex, in   
   long-term relationships    
   it is a complete disaster.   
      
   The relationship starts with a lie. What can a lie not handle? Either truth or   
   any other competing fallacy. The process of defending a relationship that   
   starts with a lie involves weaving an ever-more-elaborate, an ev   
   r-more-oppressive, and an ever-more-   
   transparently-ridiculous web of deceit. This creates a hell for everyone   
   involved, including the man who does this. Either the woman or the children   
   – or both – eventually learn to see through the deception; and one winds   
   up either with a hateful    
   wife or with rebellious kids.   
      
   At this point the man responsible for the con job starts using moral or   
   religious arguments. He has the right to neither; he is a con man. He had no   
   ethical considerations in going for the woman; he went for her because she was   
   hot. He deceived her and    
   built a relationship based on deception. Neither of these are the actions of   
   an ethical man.   
      
   So when we see young men being encouraged to play women, what we are seeing is   
   encouragement of a highly unethical behavior – behavior that ends up being   
   totally self-defeating. The man does not love the woman; he has played the   
   woman. And that is a    
   completely rotten foundation for a relationship and an even worse foundation   
   for family life.   
      
   Now there have been any number of women in feminist movement who have taken   
   the experience of their parents and used it to claim that love is a   
   patriarchial racket. Love is not a patriarchial racket; playing is. Love –   
   even love at first sight –    
   worked for many women in the World War II generation; and their daughters who   
   likewise believed in love did not believe anything irrational or unrealistic.   
   Their problem has been that they kept mistaking false fronts of salesmen for   
   goodness of character.   
    They were being played, and women who have been played wind up in a marital   
   hell – for the reasons stated above.   
      
   Playing and misogyny therefore work very well together. The player uses   
   misogynistic attitudes to justify himself in playing women; and when the woman   
   starts hating him or tries to leave him he uses that conduct to claim that   
   women are bad. I have seen    
   this done extensively in player cultures; and I seek to correct this state of   
   affairs.   
      
   Particularly, I want to see women who are vulnerable to this behavior to see   
   through it.   
      
   I was not born yesterday, and I know that women are just as capable as men of   
   dishonest and malicious behavior. I seek to empower both the men and the women   
   who are vulnerable to such behavior, whether it be done by women or by men.   
   Neither men nor women    
   are either evil or good; both are capable of both. That is because people have   
   the capacity of choice. And anything that has the capacity of choice   
   regardless of gender is capable of both right choices and wrong choices.   
      
   Love is not the same thing as playing, and it is wrong that women's experience   
   of falling for fronts of players be used to impugn love. Similarly it is wrong   
   that the behavior of women fleeing such things be used to foster misogyny. If   
   you have pulled a    
   con job, be ready that the next person see through the con job; and there is   
   nothing in this that justifies slanders against women as such.   
      
   So that while playing can work for a one-night stand, it is a completely   
   inadequate basis for a long-term relationship. That especially is the case if   
   there are children involved. They will see you and they will judge you even if   
   your wife does not.   
      
   What is a valid basis for a relationship? There are any number of them. Even   
   if you have no use for romantic love, you can still found viable situations   
   based on such things as similarities of values and interests. Even such   
   relationships can turn sour;    
   but they are less likely to explode in hatred and violence. Go for a woman   
   whom you actually value and create something better than an inevitable player   
   hell.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)